


Rage

by Willow24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Cussing, Drinking, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Male Slash, Oral Sex, Self-Harm, Sexual Content, Top Castiel, Top Dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-19
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-20 00:04:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 45,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1489306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Willow24/pseuds/Willow24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>*TRIGGER WARNING* THERE IS SELF HARM IN THIS STORY, CUTTING, ALOT OF DRINKING, DEATH. IF ANY OF THIS ARE TRIGGERS FOR YOU PLEASE DON'T READ. Dean is struggle with the power of the mark and it is lead him into the darkness. Will Cas be able to rescue you him from the darkness? This is told from Dean, Cas, and Sam's Point of View (POV)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't not own any of this character they were create by the very awesome Eric Kripke. This is following Season 9 and I am not trying to take away any credit from the writers. This is my own version of Season 9. They might seem out of character and if you don't like that well don't read. Also there is a lot of spelling mistakes and grammar issue in this story which I am sorry for. I am working on that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and thank you for clicking on this story.  
> This story takes place during Season 9, this is sort of my own version of Season 9 there are some spoilers in this story  
> Trigger warnings: There are mention of Suicide, there is cutting, there is drinking, just a lot of self abuse. If there any of these are triggers for you please do not read this story.  
> I know there are grammar mistakes in this story and i am working very hard to fix them. Between school and work it's been hard finding a time to sit down and check everything.  
> Major Character Death, Sex scenes, nightmares and some chick flick moments.  
> Enjoy

 

Dean POV

 I woke up in a cold sweat. A nightmare and another sleepless night, the image of seeing Kevin kill by Sam's hand. It is too much, I head to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face looking in the mirror. I see the dark circles under my eyes, I look like shit. Years and years of losing people, getting hurt, and being wrong by love ones, it is getting a bit too much. I don’t know how I am still alive. Well other than angels and demons always bring me back to life, why won’t they let me die? I try to put distance between everyone I love; Cas and Sam. I barely see Cas now and Sam won’t even talk to me unless its business, but I know it is for the better because no matter what they are going to get hurt. I sit down on my bed and take my knife from under the pillow. Things would be better if I weren’t here at all, I wouldn’t be hurting anyone and no chances of me making anymore mistakes. I rolled up my sleeves, take the blade and cut across my left arm. I watch as the blood pours out from the cut, knowing it was not because of a demon or angel or some type of monster but only me causing the pain.

                I try to hold back the tears as I think of everyone I lost over the years. I have fought tooth and nail trying to make things right, saving people, hunting evil and in the end Sam and I are the ones who truly lose. We saved the world and people are living their happy life while we suffer, never knowing what we did for them. I can’t even be in a relationship without some evil thing trying to kill that person. One of the reason why I haven’t told Cas how I feel about him. How could I? If anyone knew I love him everyone would be going after him just to go get to me. I look down at my arm, blood is still pouring out I grab a towel and press over the wound. I still have work to do; kill the knight of hell and that damn fucking angel that lie to me (Gandreel) after that maybe I can just finally sleep.

  I wrap a bandage around my arm and head back to bed maybe I can just sleep if only for a little bit. I close my eyes, hoping for a good dream. I felt his hand on me feeling every part of my body. His lips gently touch mine. I grab the back his head pulling him deeper into the kiss. He pulls back “you should've told me Dean.” He leans in to kiss me then everything goes black. I can’t see anything. I turn around and notice a bright light shining down on someone. I get closer and see that it is Cas. “Cas?” He looks up at me blood on his hand and tears in his eyes. “I am so sorry Dean” there was a big flash and I woke up again in a cold sweat.

  Blood was soaking through my bandages. I get up and went to change it, I look around the hotel room thankful that Sammy wanted different rooms. I look at the clock five morning no way I am I getting back to sleep now. I grab my keys and head out for a drive to clear my mind. I didn’t know where I was going just wanted to drive. “Hello Dean” I almost drove off the road “ Damn it Crowley you almost made me crash” “Yes yes but some how you would have been brought back to life and we will be in the same situation again.” “what do you want Crowley?” I just want to know how the hunt for Abbadon is going?” “its fine” “are you driving to a source” “no” I growl “then where?” he ask “wherever the fuck I feel like it” I yelled at him “What’s wrong Dean?” “Oh jeez I don’t know I got the king of hell riding shotgun when I should be killing, you know what in fact that sounds like a good idea” I pull over but by that time he was already gone. I slam the door and sit on the roof watching the sun rise. I rise the bottle of jack to my lips taking a swing. Sam he doesn’t even consider me his brother anymore, I try so hard to protect him but in the end I just lost him. The sunrise looks so wonderful I wish I could share with him and Cas.

  I hear my phone ring “Hello” “Dean, where are you? we got work to do” “Yeah I will be right there Sam just picking up some breakfast.” I hang before he replies taking one last drink, I head over to a donut shop getting half a dozen donuts mostly for him. I head to the motel, Sam was outside waiting for me “You ready?” he ask “in bit let me grab my stuff” and shove the donuts in his arms. I walk out and throw my stuff in the truck he hands me the box of donuts “are you going have any?” I shook my head and just got into the car. “So where to?” I ask him as he gets in. “well Gradreel, he is on the move and who knows where he is” he said “Maybe I can help with that” I look in the back seat. “Hey Cas” I said with a smile, he nod at me “Dean” “So how can you help Cas?” ask Sam. “I heard a rumor from some angels that are still in good terms with me that he was spotted in St. Paul, Minnesota” “well then I guess where going to Minnesota” I said “Will you be riding with us the whole way Cas?” I ask him “I can if you want me to Dean.” I want to say yes but it felt like I had a frog caught in my throat. “Yes stay Cas, we need a plan and you can be very helpful.” Sam said but I knew the real reason was he didn’t want to be alone with me.

“Do you have any ideas about what we are going to do when we find him?” Sam ask Cas “We will kill him” I said “Yeah that’s the plan Dean but how?” “With the angel blade right Cas?” He nodded “But we need to trap him first and ask him question about the angels.” He said. “I rather just kill him rather then ask question he might not know and i don't want to waste any time with him" I said “Right Dean, let just go, kill him and not get any answer at all. Don’t you want to know why he did what he did?” Sam said “all I know is he lie to me and murder Kevin, for that he deserved to die.” “yeah Dean and if you let me die in the first place Kevin would be alive, Cas and you would be hunting down Metatron and finding a way to get the angels back in heaven. Yet you were so scared of being left alone. ” Silence fell over the car, “we need gas” I said as I pull into a gas station. “Sam can you fill her up? I need to take a leak.” I rush to the bathroom and locking the door, I roll up my sleeves and took the bandage off my arm. Taking my knife and cut right in the same spot I did this morning. I try so hard to protect my brother from everything even Death. It was my job to protect him and when he was lying on that hospital bed, I felt like I failed again. I would do anything for him, yet now he doesn’t even care. I wasn’t being selfish, I was trying to protect my brother but I didn’t know I would lose him as brother. I hear a knock on the door “Dean? Sam is done filling up are you ready?” “yeah Cas give me a bit.” I said as I re bandage my arm and roll down my sleeves. I open the door and Cas was standing right there. “Are alright Dean?” I put on a fake smile “I am fine Cas, let’s get going.”


	2. Chapter 2

Cas POV  
I stare at Dean as he driving, he looks different. I am guessing because Sam is not really talking to him anymore but it not only that there is something else. I wish I could just hold him and tell him everything is going to be okay. That I am here for him and I love him. I can’t tell him that because I highly doubt he loves me back, I am angel and a guy. Then there is the fact I almost killed him over that angel tablet, I came so close. When I was human I had nightmares about killing him over and over. What if I do eventually kill him? It still scares me that thought. Even if I don’t, if angels found out about my love for him, they will hurt him to get to me. I can see the pain in his beautiful green eyes and I know he is pain. If only I can get him to talk to me without relieving my true feelings. “Hey Dean, can I drive?” He looks at me in the reviewer mirror with a questioning look “I did learn how to drive when I was human.” I see him thinking about it then he nods and pulls over.

  
Dean POV  
When Cas first ask to drive the impala I got a bit worry, I barely even let Sam drive her. He said he knows how to drive so I thought I give him a chance. I need a nap anyways. “You want me in the back seat?” Sam ask “No I need a nap anyways the back will be fine for me” I told him. I got out of the car, giving a Cas a smile but his face was blank. I brush up against this shoulder “Sorry” I mumble. He didn’t even seem to notice. . Who I am kidding his is a angel, he would never love me. I spread out on the back seat closing my eyes. Hoping for a good dream for once.

  
He keeps calling my name, but I can’t reach him. Screaming for help yet he is far away. Then I see his lifeless body. Holding him in my arms “I am so sorry Kevin” “if you were really sorry, then you would kill yourself.” I look up to see Kevin standing over me, his body gone from my arms. “what do you mean?” I ask him “I die because I trusted you in fact a lot of people are dead because they trusted you. Good thing you lost your brother trust because he might end up dead again because of you. I am surprised Castiel still trust you. You better run away from him or you know what would be better? if you kill yourself, that way you will never hurt anyone ever again.” He said with a smile “Just kill yourself Dean, that way there is no more blood on your hands.” He spat at me and disappear. Castiel appear “Cas?” “You know why we can’t be together Dean? Because you’re weak, you won’t be able to protect me. I know if we were together I will be killed because of you.” I grab his arm on my knees begging him “Please Cas” he pulls away from me. “It’s all your fault Dean.” “Sammy?” “It is your fault that our lives are like this, you’re the one who took me away from Jessica, and you brought me back from the dead the first time. The world would have been better off without you bringing back from dead. I would have never started the end of world, we wouldn’t have Demons or Angels after us. You would just live your life or be dead. It would be better if you were dead.” “Don’t you say that to me Sammy.” “Your pathetic Dean, just because you’re afraid of being alone. I am not Sammy anymore, I am not your brother.” He disappear, I was on my knees looking at my hands when someone handed me a knife. I look up “Mom?” “It would be better for everyone if you end it now sweetie, no more people will die because of you.” I took the knife from her hand “It’s okay Dean.” She said I took the knife and stab myself in the heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Sam POV  
I watch as Dean brush against Cas, but no reaction from him. Cas is in the driver but I see his eyes look at Dean in the reviewer mirror. I know those two have feelings for each other, both of them too stupid to admit it. However it might not be a good idea for Dean to be in a relationship knowing there luck one or both them would die. I can keep wishing that if something were to happen to me again that maybe they can have a happy life, a peaceful life but that’s just wishful thinking. I know what Dean and I had as brothers will never be the same. I just can’t bring myself to forgive him I was ready to die and then he goes and betrays my trust. That is why when the fight with Gradreel comes, I hope to die fighting. Then maybe just maybe Castiel will be there to pick up the pieces of my broken brother. Then they can go off and live a happy life while I can finally be a peace. Again wishful thinking. I know with both our lucks that will never happen. I get comfortable in my seat about to take a nap when I heard a loud scream from the back seat.

  
I jolt up and look at Cas, I saw a worry look in his eyes. He pulls over and I jump out. Opening the back door to see Dean screaming and tossing around. “Dean, wake up!!” I scream as I hold him down, shaking him. His open his eyes, they were filled with fear. He sits up and looks between Cas who was standing at the other end of the car and I. “What?” he ask hoarsely. “You were screaming.” I told him “Screaming what?’ I shrug "Just screaming." “Do you remember anything Dean?” Cas ask. Dean look at him for a while and then shrug. “Not a thing” I knew he was lying. Dean got out the car and head for the driver seat. “I will drive” he said and shut the door. Cas and I just look at each other but didn’t want to push him any further. I get back in the passager seat while Cas gets into the back. We might not have our brother relationship anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t worry about him. I still care for Dean and right now I was really worry about him.

  
Cas POV  
I stare at the back on Dean’s head, his screams still ringing in my ears. I know he remembers what the dream was about. I also know he won’t talk about but just shove deep inside of him so he won’t have to think about it anymore. He feels like he has no one to talk but I just wish I could let him know he can talk to me without reliving my true feelings. When we pull over to check on him I saw the concern look in Sam’s eyes and I knew he still care for his brother even if he tries not show it. What is going through Dean’s head right now? and how can I get him to talk?

  
Sam POV  
I glanced over at Dean, he was just focus on the road. His screams terrified me, I have never heard my big brother scream like that before. Dean has always been this badass with I don’t give a fuck attitude, yet that scream show he was scared. Scared of what? I don’t know. I look in the back seat, Cas was staring at the back of Dean’s head. I know Dean feels guilty about a lot of things and I think it’s just tearing him apart. It made me realize he does need me and Cas but how can I trust him? I look out the window, not even sure what to do anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean POV  
I don’t even talk to Cas or Sam, don’t even look at them. I know they had questions but I just couldn’t tell them what was going on in my head. I kill myself and the dream felt so real, I thought I really did kill myself. I was surprised to find myself alive. We drove through out the night and well into morning. I pull into a hotel. “I will get two rooms” I told Sam. “Dean Wait” he said as I was getting out “Get one room.” I roll my eyes knowing why “Guys I am fine. It was just a little nightmare.” “It will save us money” Sam said. “whatever” I said as I got on the car. We walk into the room and I threw my bag on the bed. “Cas what are you going to do?” “I will just stay here or see if I can find more information on Gradreel.” “Sounds good Cas, well I am going for drink.” I said as I walk out before they could comment.

  
Cas POV  
I watch Dean walk out the door, I wanted to follow him but I hold myself back. Not wanting Sam to be suspicion of anything. “I am worry about him Cas.” “Oh so you actually do care for your brother.” He gives me a dirty look “I don’t need the attitude Cas.” “Well I am sorry Sam but if haven’t notice Dean is depressed, he feels guilty about you and Kevin and everything else. Yet here you are pushing him further and further away.” “That is why he needs you.” He whisper. “What do you mean?” I ask him “Come on Cas, I seen how you look at Dean, why won’t you tell him how you feel about him?” “You know why Sam, to many enemies would use him to get to me.” And the fact I worry he might rejected me but I didn’t tell Sam that. He rolls his eyes at me “So what ?our enemies have use us to get to each other.” “Is that why you are pushing him awa?y” I ask him. He stay silent for a while looking down at the ground. “He doesn’t only need me Sam, he needs his brother you’re the only one he has left. If he loses you he has no left will left to live. I have seen you two give up everything for each other. Yet your being a complete ass butt. So he trick you into accepting Gradreel. Correct me if I am wrong, he is your big brother he supposed to protect you. Heck you two protect each other. Now you are telling him, you wouldn’t have done the same thing?? That’s fucking bullshit Sam and you know it. Maybe you should get your head out your ass and be there for your brother.” I had so much anger in my voice. He keeps hurting Dean and to see Dean in so much pain makes me upset. Sam looks up at me and walks over to and punches me. Of course it hurt him more than me but I look at him in shock. “Don’t tell me what I am doing wrong Cas, you don’t understand I was ready to die but he brought me back again.” He walks towards the door and opens it. “I thought that is what the Winchester are famous for fighting Death.” I told him, he pause and slams the door.

  
Sam POV  
I walk out, mad at Cas, mad at myself, mad at just everything. I knew punching Cas was a bad idea but he just made me so mad. How dare he judge me? The reason Dean and I our in the mess is because we keep bringing each back to life. it needs to stop. We can’t keep living like this. I was about to go into a bar when someone was thrown out. “And stay out” yelled the bartender. I look on the ground to see it was Dean. “Dean?” he looks up at me “Oh look it’s Sammy hi Sammy how are you?” “Dean your drunk.” He starts to get up from the sidewalk but falls down, I help him up. “Where is the car Dean?” he points up the street, I see the impala. I half carry him to the car, grab the keys from his jacket and put in the back. “I am taking you back to the room Dean.” I look in the review mirror his eyes where half close. “Hey Sammy” “yeah?” “I am sorry that I am a bad brother” and with that he pass out.

  
I open the door the hotel room to see Cas sitting on bed, staring off in space. “Cas, I need your help” he looks at me questionable but gets up and follows me outside. I open the back seat, where Dean was pass out. “What happen?” he ask. “What you think he got drunk and kick out of a bar.” Cas gives me a look like I told you so. “I don’t need to fucking hear Cas, let just get him inside.” We carry him to bed. I sit down on the bed next to him. I put my face in my hands. What he said about being a bad brtother, does he really believe that? Have I made him feel that bad about himself? I get up and head out the door “where are you going?” Cas ask. “I just need some air.” I said trying to hold back the tears.


	5. Chapter 5

Cas POV  
I take off Dean’s shoes and socks. I lift him up, he was still pass out and took off his jack with his collar shirt. Now he was just in his jeans and black shirt. I think that was comfortable enough for him. I look down on him and notice his arm was wrap in a bandage. I don’t remember him getting a cut there other than Cain mark but I could see Cain mark. I notice there was blood seeping through the bandage. I decide I was going to heal the cut for him. I took the bandage off and notice there was some healing already but there was a new cut. I look at Dean’s face I couldn’t it believe it he was cutting. I touch his face “Oh Dean why?” he grab my wrist, his green eyes open slowly. He looks at me with such sadness and regret. “I am sorry Cas.” and he pass out again. I decide to just rebadage his cut for now, hoping he didn’t figure out that I figure out his secret. I just couldn’t believe it. Dean was one of the strongest humans I know but I guess everyone has their breaking point and Dean just had his. I kiss him on the forehead “You have nothing to be sorry for Dean.”

  
Sam POV  
I stood outside for I don’t know how long. I can’t believe I been such an idiot. I was so mad at Dean about everything, I was so mad about losing Kevin, I am mad about that fact that no matter what happens Dean and I always lose people. I thought Dean said he didn’t break that easily but I guess when I told I wouldn’t do the same thing that he did for me, it drove him to the edge. I thought I could keep my distance from him, you just focus on work. Now I am not sure I am doing the right thing anymore. I head back into the room just to see Cas pulling away from Dean forehead. “Did I interrupted something?” He pull the cover over Dean and shock his hand. “No, I will be back Sam” and he disappear. I sat down on my bed and look at Dean. “You are not a bad brother Dean, just an idiot.” I got ready for bed and turn off the lights. Hoping for a better tomorrow.

  
Dean POV  
I woke with a start, not sure where I was. I look around to see Sam fast asleep in the bed next to mine. Castiel was nowhere to be seen. I didn’t have nightmares, thank well whoever at this point for whiskey. I start to feel sick to my stomach and ran to the bathroom to throw up. I close the door and wash my face. I pull the knife I had hidden in my pants, roll up my sleeves and took the bandage off and slice through my skin again. Whiskey can only do so much, seeing the blood pouring from arm feels powerful. I am not hurting anyone just myself which is for the better. I think of everyone Sam and I have lost over the years how it always been our fault well mostly mine. I couldn’t protect anyone as well I thought I should. Hell Lisa and Ben barely got out alive. Now I am want to be in a relationship with Castiel, yeah like that is going to happen. He will end up dead anyway. Sam is right to keep his distance away from me, he just going to get kill again. I hear Sam getting up and quickly turn on the shower, taking off my clothes and hoping in. I watch the blood pour down the drain. I hear a knock “Dean you okay?” I pretend I don’t hear him why would he care anyways not like we are brothers anymore. I saw there was no longer blood pouring out my arm. I jump out the shower and bandage it up again. Grabbing a bathrobe and open the door to see Sam sitting on the bed.

  
Sam POV  
I woke up when I hear the bathroom door close. I look over at the door wondering if Dean was okay. I got up and heard the shower running. I wonder if every night will be like this, him drinking just to keep the nightmares away. I knock on the door “Dean you okay?” no answer. I sit down on the bed waiting for him to come out when he did, he didn’t even acknowledge me. He was search through his bag for clean clothes. “You alright man?” I ask him, he shrugs and heads back towards the bathroom. I grab his arm, he wince in pain. I think it was Mark of Cain, it still hurts him. I take my hand off his arm. “Look Dean, I know you remember your nightmare from the other night. You need to talk about it.” He turns around and gives me a deadly look. “Talk who Sam? You? Why should I fucking talk to you? I thought you didn’t care about my problems, we are just work together, and that’s all man. No talking to each other about stuff that’s going on in our life. Just hunting.” With that he slams the door right in my face.


	6. Chapter 6

Cas POV  
I was sitting at a park watching the children swing on the swing sets. I keep seeing the cut on Dean’s arm in my mind, i still can’t believe it. I knew he was in pain but to the point where he does something like that? What’s going through his head right now and why can’t he ask for help? I know with Sam. He doesn’t want to bother him but he can talk to me. I should go tell him that he can talk to me. Yeah I am going to go tell him that. Then hold him in my arms and tell him everything is going to be okay. Kiss him on the forehead but I can’t. I can talk to him but nothing else, the fear of being rejected and if he rejects me he might feel even more guilty because I would leave. I wouldn’t be able to be around him. I couldn’t do that to him. No I will just tell him I am here to listen and that’s it. I head back to the hotel and appear in the room. Sam jump up when I appear. “Where the hell have you been?” he ask “Out doing work” I heard Dean throwing up in the bathroom “He’s pretty hung over.” Sam said. I knock on the door. “Dean can I get you anything?”

  
Dean POV  
I wipe my face, I guess alcohol and not having anything to eat is not a good combination. I heard a knock on the door. “Dean can I get you anything?” I smile it was Cas, “No I am fine Cas.” I open the door where Cas was standing close to me. My heart does a flip, “Dude personal space.” Cas nod and back away. “So where are with Gradreel?” Sam shrug “Cas might know he was out working last night.” I look at Cas “So anything?” “All I know is Gradreel was here but I don’t know if he still here.” He said “Well great how exactly are we supposed to find him?” I said as I look between Sam and Cas, they both had confuse looks “Fucking great” i sat down on the bed when the door burst open. We all jump up in attack mode. “Hello Dean, Abbadon is looking for you.” “Yeah well you can tell her she can kiss my ass.” The demon came right at me as two more follow him into the room. I could see Cas and Sam fighting as the demon came up and punch me. I punch him right back, heading for the knife. I barely got when the demon pick me up and threw me into the wall. The last thing I heard was “Dean!!”

  
Sam POV:  
I block a punch from a demon when I hear Cas yell “Dean” I look over to see my brother was slump on the ground knock out cold. Castiel put his hand on the demon head and burnt him out of his meat suite. The demon that was fighting me came after him and he did the same thing to him. I ran over to Dean. “Dean wake up” he wouldn’t open his eyes which made me worry. Even when Dean is throw up against a wall he usually fine. Cas came over and put his hand on his face. “we need to get out of here Sam.” He pick Dean up and took him the impala, I grab everything and Cas came back in making the bodies disappear. “Where is Dean?” “I put him in the back seat let’s go” I got in while Cas got into the back seat putting Dean’s head in his lap. I drove as fast I could and once we were a few miles I pull over to abandon house. We took Dean into the house, Cas lay him on the couch just staring at him while I start to demon protecting the house.

  
Cas POV  
I sit beside Dean wondering if he was going to wake up. I put my hand on his forehead, close my eyes trying to see what was wrong. He was thrown hard against the wall some head damage, I can also feel he was very weak like he hasn’t been eating. I was able to heal the damage to his head, hopefully that will at least help him wake up. “How is he doing Cas?” Sam ask as he walks back in the room with a bag of salt. “I was able to heal his head, hopefully he will wake up soon.” I pick up his head and place it on my lap. Sam smile “I guess you have your full powers back.” “They were hurting my friends.” “No they were hurting Dean.” I stay silent “It’s alright Cas, I know you care for him. You should tell him and before you say anything your running you hand through his hair.” I look down not even realize I was doing it, I blush and stop. Sam sit down across from me “We still had no luck in finding Gradreel.” He said. I look down at Dean not wanting to leave him but I can be quick. “I will check see if I can find any information as soon as he wakes up call me Sam.” He nodded and I disappear.

  
Dean POV  
All I could see was darkness. I felt chains wrap around my ankles and wrist holding me tight. Alastair came out of the darkness “Hello Dean, I miss you oh so much.” “What do you want you jackass?’ “Oh you know the usually world peace, blah, blah. Oh I have surprised for you Dean.” A light was turn on in the middle of the room and in the middle of the light was Cas chain up just like me. “Cas” I whisper. He looks up his face all bloody, his shirt torn. Alastair took a chain from underneath his shirt it was a little bottle and it was glowing. “Give that back to him” I growl. He laughs “oh but it so much fun this way “ he walk up to Cas and start to peel his skin of piece by piece. His screams rang in my ears. “Please stop” I yelled but he wouldn’t. “Don’t worry Dean your little brother is next.” “NO!!” I scream and woke up. I look around to see Sam sitting right next to me, his eye look at me with concern. I sit up on the couch “Where are we?” I ask “A few miles out of town.” “where’s Cas?” I ask looking around a deep pain in my stomach. “He went out, I will call him back. Castiel get back here Dean’s awake.” Next thing I know I was being hug. “Dean you are okay.” I hug back “Yeah I am fine Cas.” He broke away from me looking at me with his blue eyes, I smile. We broke apart and I saw Sam smiling I wonder why. “What happen?” I ask. “Well that demon threw you against the wall pretty hard and knock you out.” Sam said. “Dean are you sure your fine?” he ask. “I am fine Sam really.” I grab the bottle of Jack from my bag and took a drink. “Yeah I can tell with your drinking.” He said “What’s that supposed to mean?” “Every time you want to keep something hidden, you turn to drinking and I know you’re having nightmares again about what I don’t know. There something wrong Dean.” He said “we already had this talk Sam.” I said not looking at him, he threw his hands up in defeat and walks to the next room. Cas just stood there staring at me. “What Cas?” He came up “If you won’t talk to him then talk to me Dean I am here to listen.” I stare at him for bit, I couldn’t tell him what was really going on. I could deal with this stuff by myself I don’t want to give Cas anymore problems to worry about. “There is nothing to talk about Cas” I walk past him into the bathroom closing the door behind me. I took out the knife, took off the old bandages held the blade against my skin when “Dean what are you doing?” it was Cas and I forgot to lock the door.


	7. Chapter 7

Cas POV  
Dean head towards the bathroom but I wasn’t going to let him get away that easy. I turn the knob and open to see him holding his knife against his skin. “Dean what are you doing?” but I already knew. I close the door behind me and look at Dean. “Why Dean?” I ask him, he put the knife down and sat down on the edge of the tub. He look at me his green eyes fill with tears. “I am sorry Cas, all of us have lost so much and now I lost my brother. Everyone that i have love and care about has die this way I can feel their pain too.” I sat down next to him and grab his arm healing up the old scars. He looks at me surprised. “You don’t have to do this Dean, you don’t have to hurt yourself by cutting or not eating. Yes I know about you not eating.” “why not?” he said as he stood up his back facing towards me. “Do you think any of those people would be happy to see you slowly killing yourself. I don’t think so Dean, I think they will be mad at you. You still have Sam even if he is being a ass and you have me.” He turns around to face me. “I get it when you were human, you had a better understanding caring for people. You should keep your distance from me Cas, you could end up dead. Sam has the right idea to keep his distance away from me. Beside I don’t think you will feel to much pain if I die.” That got me mad, I grab his arm and turn him to face me. “You don’t think I care because I am angel now? I still care Dean, heck I care more then you even know. If you die, I will die Dean. I can’t live without you Dean, you know why?” He shrug “Because I love you Dean Winchester.”

  
Dean POV  
Did he just said he love me? I couldn’t believe he loves me. “Well good job of turning this in to a chick flick Cas.” He took his arm off of me looking sad. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. “I understand Dean, I am angel and a guy for that matter. You wouldn’t want to be with me anyways. I just want you to know I am here for you but I will leave if you want me to.” He went to turn the door knob “wait Cas” I grab him and turn him around push up against the door and gave him a passionate kiss. I saw his eyes widen in shock but he pull me deeper into the kiss. We broke apart “I ...well you know." I told him, it was still hard for me to get the words out but i am hoping with the kiss he would understand. He smiles and i could see that he knew that i love him. I wrap my arms around his waist as he wraps his arms around my neck. I kiss him again felt his tongue begging for entrance which I was happy to obliged. I broke the kiss apart staring in his blue eyes, then the room started spinning, I fell down on my knees Cas kneel down next to me. “Dean are alright?” I felt a sharp pain in my arm where the Mark of Cain was, I look down at it and I swear I could see blood. “Dean answer me” “Cas?” and all I saw was darkness.

  
Sam POV  
I was packing up our bags, hoping to hit the road soon to find Gradreel, Cas hasn’t even told me if he was still in town or not. I knew he was more concern about Dean right now which i am too but we need to find Gradreel. “Sam come quick.” I run over to the bathroom to see Cas holding Dean looking at me with concern. I ran over quickly “What happen Cas?” I notice the Mark of Cain was red like it was burning him. “I don’t know one minute we were kissing and he just black out.” I gave him a questionable look but decide to address it later. I put my hand on Dean’s forehead “He is breaking out in a cold sweat, what going on with him?” Cas shook his head “I don’t know but we should take him back to the bunker, make him comfortable.” “Comfortable for what Cas?” he looks at me “I am going to enter his mind but I don’t know what I am going to find there, it would be better if he was in a safe environment.” I nodded “take him back, I will meet you there after I am done with Gradreel.” “Your brother could be seriously injury and you want to go hunt down Gradreel?. Glad to see where your priorities are Sam. By the way he is not even here anymore I don’t know where he is.” He pick up Dean “I will see you at the bunker when you decide what’s important to you.” With that he disappear. I grab all the bags and threw into the truck. I got into the impala and start driving back towards the bunker I was mad because Cas was right I do know what is important to me but I knew Cas could take care of Dean. However if something was really wrong with him and if die without knowing that I still care for him. I couldn’t stand it, I don’t trust him but I don’t want him to die thinking his little brother hates his guts. Gradreel could wait other day right now my brother needs me. I press down on the gas pedal.


	8. Chapter 8

Cas POV:  
I manage to get Dean into the bunker and took him to his room. I lay him down on the bed taking off his shoes and jacket. I kiss the top of his head as I enter into his mind. All around me was darkness I couldn’t see but I just kept walking straight. I saw a white light in the middle of the room, there was someone in the light. I walk closer seeing it was Dean “Dean” I yell he looks up and seems surprise to see me. “Cas?” he was on his knees covering in blood. I kneel down in front of him putting my forehead against his forehead my hands on his checks. “Are you okay?” I ask him. He pulls away from me “I don’t understand.” He said “Understand what Dean?” “Your dead Alastair, he was slicing you apart little by little. Your screams are still ringing in my ears and I couldn’t stop it. This is your blood. All over me I couldn’t stop it Cas I am so sorry.” He said tears streaming down his face. “Dean where is Alastair now?” he looks around “I don’t know he’s gone. he said Sam was next.” He whisper “Dean this is all your head, Alastair is not really here, I am not dead. I am alive and well.” he shook his head “how can I be so sure it’s really you Cas?” I stood up and held out my hand to him, he takes it and pull him up. “This is how” I wrap my arms around his waist and bring him for a deep kiss. We broke apart “Dean let me take you out the darkness.” He smile and there was a white light. I was back in his room, Dean was sitting up in the bed looking at me with his beautiful green eyes. “Castiel?” “Yes?” “How did we get back to the bunker?” I smile “I brought you back after you fainted.” He swings his feet off the bed and put his hand on his forehead and starts rubbing it. “The last thing I remember was” and he pause right there “we were kissing Dean.” “So it wasn’t a dream” I shook my head. He smiles and turns red. “I never seen you blush Dean you look cute.” “Shut up Cas. So I fainted I wonder why?” “your mark was turning red like it was burning you do you remember any pain?” he shook his head and grabs the mark. “Where is Sam?” I shrug not really care where he was. He doesn’t care about his brother anyways when I heard a knock on the door. “Dean? Cas?” Dean open the door and there was Sam. I gave him a dirty look surprise he got here so fast. “Sammy there you are.” He look at Dean “You call me Sammy.” Dean look taking back and the in a low voice “Yeah I guess I did.” Dean head back towards his bed and sat down. “Cas can you give me and Dean a minute?” I look at Dean and he nodded. I walk past Sam whispering in his ears “I hope you finally got your head out of your ass.” With that I shut the door on the two brothers hoping for the best.

  
Dean POV  
I look at Sam wondering why he wants to talk to me. I sat down on the bed “look Sam” he holds up his hand “Just let me talk to Dean.” I threw my hand up in the air “alright” “You can be selfish and do not care about anything or anyone around you when your emotional rage. The problem is Dean I was ready to die but you didn’t give me the choice.” “I couldn’t let you die Sam.” “We can’t keep going like this Dean we can’t keep sacrifice each other for each other you understand that right?” I stay silent not even looking at him. “That is why I said what I did that I wouldn’t do the same for you like you did for me . This is the last time Dean, I love you and you’re my brother but no more, next time one of us is about to die we die end of story and we move on with our life.” I look surprised “So I am your brother huh?” I ask him. He gives a wearily look “Yes and I do worry about you but look you have Cas now don’t you?” I give a him a questionable look. “He told me you two kiss and honestly Dean is about darn time I was sick of the whole look at each other while the other one is not looking.” I laugh “Well glad you approve Sam.” He smiles “So are we good?” I ask him “Yeah were good.” “Good because I am hungry what do we have to eat?” I open the door and he follows me to the kitchen. “We have bread. Peanut butter and Jelly.” Sam said. I shrug and made myself a sandwich. I start to think about what Sam said about me having Cas about us letting the other one die when the time comes. I could try to do it but it was always watch out for Sammy take care of your little brother. How can I watch him die? Cas came into the kitchen and look between Sam and Me. “You two good?” “Yeah Cas were good.” Sam said and finish his sandwich I only ate about half of mine I guess I was less hungry then I thought. “Well I am going to bed night guys” “Night” Cas and I said. He sits down next to me “Is everything okay Dean?” I smile at him “Yeah everything is fine, come let head go to bed.” “I don’t sleep Dean.” I stare at him “well this time I will let you watch over me.” He smiles and follows me to the room. I get undress down to my boxer “Cas you can get down to your boxers to you know, you will be more comfortable.” He look down at his clothes and slowly took them off. “Is this better Dean?” he ask with his head tilt sideways I laugh “you so weird man.” I crawl into bed “join me Cas.” He did and put his arms around me kissing me on the top of the head. I never felt so safe actually, I close my eyes hoping for no nightmares tonight.

  
Cas POV  
I waited for Dean to fall asleep, once I made sure he was fast asleep I took my arms off of him and wiggle away from him. As much as I want to stay with him, there was work that needs to be done. I head to out to the library where Sam was reading books “what are you doing Sam?” “Trying to find a way to track down Gradreel.” I sit down across from him “any luck?” “I found something but I am having trouble reading it I think it’s in enochian” He hands the book over to me I read through it. “It’s a way to track an angel a blood spell.” “What do we need?” I didn’t want to tell him but I knew he would find out one way or other. “It’s need a blood by someone who has the mark of protection, the mark of hell, and the mark of heaven.” I wrote it down for him in English and handed it to him, He looks over it with a questionable look on his face. “What does it mean by marks of protection and all that other stuff?” I stay silent. “Cas tell me” “the mark of protection it the mark to protect against evil.” “Like the tattoo’s that Dean and I have.” I nodded “Then I can do it. I been to hell and heaven.” “You can’t Sam the mark of hell is a physical and mental mark, like someone who has tortured souls in hell and who has been mark by hell. Heaven mark is someone who been pull out of hell by a angel.” His eyes widened in surprised “You mean Dean?” “Yes” “How much blood does it ask for?” “a lot enough to put him the hospital, Sam I will not ask Dean to do this and I won’t let you ask him to do it.” He gives me a dirty look and stood up “You really think I would ask him to do something like this? he could die from this Cas.” “Then we keep it a secret from him Sam, we will find other way to find Gradreel.” He puts his hand over his face and looks up “alright” He sits back down and hand me the paper, I put in the book with the spell and put it in drawer hoping Dean won’t find it. I sat back down with Sam and started to look through more books. Between his cutting and his drinking Dean wasn’t even strong enough to do a spell like this. If he did not only could it put in the hospital but Sam was right he could die from this. I wouldn’t let that happen.


	9. Chapter 9

Dean POV  
I woke up feeling very cold and alone. I look around and Cas was nowhere to be seen. I walk to the library when I heard Cas and Sam talking. It was about a spell to find Gradreel and you need a blood of someone with the mark of protection, mark of hell, and mark of heaven. I heard them talking it would be mine blood but neither would let me do it. I want to kill Gradreel just as much as Sam, if I die in the process it would be worth it. I peak around the corner to see Cas putting the book in a drawer. Once Cas sat back down I round to corner. “What are you two up to?” “Dean you are awake” Cas said “Yeah Cas I was missing something.” He smiles and Sam coughs “anyways we are trying to find a way to locate Gradreel.” “Any luck?” Sam and Cas look at each other “No Dean no luck.” Sam said not looking at me. “Well we got to find an angel and Abaddon oh wait but we need the first blade from Crowley who has yet to call me back.” “So what should we do Dean? Where should we look?” “Disneyworld?” Both Sam and I look at Cas. I was a little confuse “Did..Did you just make a joke?” I ask him he smiles I start laughing “wow you finally made a joke good on you Cas.” I saw Sam chuckle “Well have there been any news on demons, random miracles or something supernatural?” Sam got on his laptop. I sat down next to Cas he put his hand on my knee. “Here something in New Orleans, last night a guy went into a Diner and kill everyone there. When police arrive the guy was writing on the wall Abaddon for the win in blood.” I look at Sam “possession?” I ask him “The guy did disappear from jail.” “Looks like we are going to New Orleans, I am going to go pack.” I head toward my bedroom Cas follows me. I grab my bag and put on the bed start packing up when I felt arms around my waist. I turn around and Cas kiss me passionate on the lips, I kiss back and place my hand on the back of his head. We broke apart. “Cas one thing we need to clear about is out there in the real world we need to keep our feelings for each other in check. I don’t want anyone to use it against us or we make a mistake.” “I understand Dean.” He kiss me on the lips, then my neck and back up to my lips. “You are not making this easy Cas.” He smiles and unwraps his arms from me. I grab my bag and we head out Sam was waiting for us by the door. “You two ready?” “I forgot something I will be right back” I told him “You need me to come with you Dean?” “No Cas I will be real quick, just met me outside.” They left and I hand to the library. I open the drawer where Cas put the book and found the paper of the English translation for the spell. I grab it and put it in my jacket pocket.

  
Cas POV  
Sam and I get into the impala, I sat in the back seat while Sam sat in the front. “I wonder what he forgot?” Sam shrug look at his phone for directions. Dean got into the impala “we ready?” he ask “just waiting for you.” Sam said. Dean starts driving down the road. I know we have to keep our emotions in check when we are out in public because of our enemies, I just wish we didn’t have to. It makes me upset that we can’t be happy with each other because there is always something after Dean and Sam and me for that matter. If anyone knew I love him an angel loving a human it would just be chaos. While heaven was still in operation it was forbidden and now I know there are still angels out there who would kill him and me if they find out. I don’t know how I am going to keep my emotions in check around him knowing he felt the same about me, it will just be too hard. I can’t let him get hurt either if someone were to find out maybe I should just end before it gets worst that way no one can find out at all. “Cas can you give me and Sam a bit please?” “Sure Dean.” I had some stuff to think about anyways and I disappear.

  
Sam POV  
Cas left and I look over at Dean. “What’s up” He sign “I know we said were good Sammy but in truth I feel like we are not good.” I stay silent and look out the window. “Yes you say you worry about me and that I am your brother but no more sacrifice. That is all our family does is sacrifice everything for each other.” “Yeah Dean and it needs to stop.” “Do you really think that is possible? I mean you drove pretty fast to get back to the bunker after I black out at least that what Cas said.” “I did Dean because I was worry about you, I knew about your drinking and no sleeping but your cutting? That what scare me Dean, I didn’t know you would take it that far. Beside I didn’t do anything to help you it was all Cas.” He look over at me with a look of disappoint. “Dean truth to be told I didn’t want to rekindle this brother relationship I thought it would be better if we just stay partners.” “Why?” “because Dean our emotions get in the way of the job when we are professional we have no problems, it just better that way. Beside if I die I want to make sure you do nothing to bring me back that is why I am glad you have Cas, maybe this time around he will be there to pick up the pieces.” “What do you mean this time around?” he glances at me. “I mean the battle with Gradreel there is a good chance I might not survive.” “I won’t let that happen Sammy.” “I know you won’t but it can happen Dean beside if you let me close the gates of hell we wouldn’t be in this mess right now.” I saw clench his jaw when I said that. “So you want to go back to being professional?” I look out the window I love my big brother I do and I worry about him. He has Cas now maybe he will be okay now that he has someone to talk to. “Dean just so you know you are still my big brother but right now we can’t let the idea of family get in the way, so right now just professional.” “Alright if that is what you want.”


	10. Chapter 10

Dean POV  
I look over at Sam just wondering where it all went wrong when did we stop being family. Yes I let an angel posse him but just to heal him. I couldn’t let him die and he was fighting to stay alive when we first started the trails. I wonder why he stop fighting. When he said our emotions got in the way, I thought about Cas and I. how are we going to keep our emotions in control? “Cas if you can hear me you can come back now.” Cas appear right away, I smile at him through the review mirror he gave me a little smile. I won’t let our emotions get in the way. Sam made have giving up on us but I won’t give up on Cas, I can’t. Kill Gradreel, Kill Abaddon and Crowley and whatever else comes our way but still be with each other without let our emotions get in the way. Happy and maybe Sam will come around. Of course when has anything work out in my favor. “Sam you want to drive I am little tired.” “Yeah sure Dean.” I pull over, and head to the passager side as much as I like to get into the back with Cas I can’t. I close the door and lean my head against the window closing my eyes.

  
Cas POV  
Unknowing to Dean I was in the back seat while Sam and him were talking. I was mad at Sam, for doing this again to Dean but when he said the emotions got in the way, I got worry about Dean and I. I look at Dean his head against the window I could see he was asleep. I love Dean a lot but if Sam and his brother relationship gets in the way of things won’t our relationship be worst? I can’t have anything happen to Dean maybe telling him I love him was a bad idea. I can’t take that back that will hurt him to much I know that but maybe instead of keeping a secret in the bunker we don’t do at all. That way our emotions won’t get in way in case we have a wonderful kiss in the bunker but have to keep our hands off each other outside in the world. I can’t do it, I won’t let him get hurt. I will just tell him I still love him but we need to hold off on us until everything is fix then maybe we can be together. I am just hoping putting that way won’t put him in too much pain.

  
Dean POV  
“Let me take you out of the darkness.” I smile I grab his hand but the chains came out and wrap him around his body. They took him into the darkness, “Cas!!” I yell, I try running after him but a voice stop me. “Dean” I turn around to see Sam, he was holding his arm or where his arm use to be. He was stumbling, cover in blood, he fell on his knees. I ran to him, wrap my arms around him. “It’s okay Sammy I am here, I got you.” I said, I look him in the face “You should let me go Dean.” “I can’t do that Sammy, I just can’t.” I felt chains around my wrist and the pull me away from him. Alastair came out of the darkness and grab Sam’s hair and put a knife to his throat. “Leave him alone!!” I scream I heard someone laughing and I look to my side. I see Abaddon with Cas, he was chain up against a wall and she was slowing cutting him. He was screaming I struggle against the chains. “No!!” “Hey Dean!!” I look up to see Alastair cut Sam other arm off he was screaming “Sam!” He fell face down in the puddle of his own blood. I can only watch as my brother die from blood lost, not being be able to doing anything. Alastair laugh “See what happens when you leave Dean, now if the lovely knight will just finish her job.” He holds up a necklace that was glowing. It was Cas grace, I look over at Cas, his blue eyes filled with fear. Abaddon stab him in the stomach and I saw the light from his eyes disappear. “Cas!” The chains fell off my wrist. I was on my knees, the rest of my family dead and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. “I am so sorry Sammy, I am so sorry Castiel.” I heard footsteps behind me, I look over my shoulder, to see Abaddon. “I swear I will kill you bitch if it is the last thing I do.” She grabs my chin “Oh trust me dear it will be. You are going to make a great Knight.”

  
I woke we a start, my face felt wet. I have been crying, I look around to see Sam still driving, I look in the back seat to see Cas with his eyes close looking deep in thought. They didn’t seem to notice. “Hey Sam pull over I need to take a leak.” Sam pull over as I got out of the car, Cas try to follow me. I stop him “I can do this by myself man.” He look disappointed but stay with Sam. I walk quite a bit away till I was sure they couldn’t see me. I threw up. The blood, the screams, it just seem all too real for me. I took out my flask taking a long drink. I wipe my mouth of my sleeves and took out a small bottle of mouthwash to cover up the alcohol smell. I head back up to the car. “I am going to drive Sam.” I got into the driver’s seat. The only other thing that relaxes me other than drinking was driving my baby.

  
We got into New Orleans early in the morning, I book a one room with two beds since Cas doesn’t sleep and we can’t share a bed anyways. “Alright where do we start?” I ask as I put my bag on the bed. “We have to find that demon.” Sam said as he open a newspaper. “Well that was easy.” He said “What?” he point at ad in classifieds “Come one and all to show your support for the Queen of Hell!! Tonight at 8pm in the old warehouse district.” “is it just me or are demons becoming really stupid?” I ask. “Or it’s a trap.” Sam said, I look at Cas who shrug “If it is a trap we need to be ready.” Cas said “Well Sam why don’t you get some food and maybe some more holy water and salt, we don’t know how may demons there will be. Cas and I will stay here and come up with a plan.” Sam grab the keys and left. I sat down on the bed and Cas just look at me. “What is it Cas?” I said looking up at him. He sits down on the bed next to me. “We can’t pretend Dean.” “Pretend what?” “That we don’t have feelings for each other, that we don’t love each other. That we are just friends out in the world while in the bunker we are lovers.” “So what do you suggest?” I ask him “That we don’t do anything at all, not even the bunker. We keep our feelings hidden away until all this over. That way there is no slip up and no one will ever find out.” I couldn’t even look at him. Here I was hoping that when a job was done we can go back to the bunker and be with each other not giving about a damn about the world. I thought we would be safe there and we could keep it hidden but if he doesn’t believe we can’t then there is no point fighting for it. I look at him trying to hold back my tears. “If you think that is what is best Cas, then we will be friends nothing else.” I said He place his hand on my knee “Once this over Dean we can be happy.” He said with a smile. I gave him a small smile and got up, close the curtains and lock the door. He looks at me with a curious look. I look down on him and place my hand on his check. “Just one more Cas.” I bend down and kiss him softly on the lips because in my experience there will be no happiness just pain. I pull back and head to the bathroom, tears pouring down my face.


	11. Chapter 11

Cas POV  
I knew Dean was crying even as hard as he try to hid his tears. He shut the bathroom door, I was doing this for him to protect him. I couldn’t let anything happen to him even if it means we can’t be together. I know I hurt him but I want him to know I am still here for him. I knock on the door “Dean you know I am still here if you need me.” I heard some movement “yeah Castiel I know” he said with a hint of sadness in his voice. I sat back down on the door. My face felt wet I wipe my check and look at my hand. It was a tear I was crying and I couldn’t stop. I am doing this protect him, trying convince myself it was for the right reason. “Cas what’s wrong?” I look in and see Sam with his hands full of groceries.

  
Sam POV  
I arrive back at the motel around two o’clock hoping to get some sleep, but when I walk in I knew that wasn’t going to happen. Cas hand his face in his hands “Cas what is wrong?” I ask. He looks up at me and I see tears on his face. I put the groceries down and run over to him and grab his shoulder. “Cas what’s wrong? Where is Dean?” I was worry did demons get Dean or angels? “I am sorry Sam” “Is Dean okay Cas?” He shrugs “I don’t think so he is in the bathroom and I don’t know what he is doing in there” “Cas what happen?” “I told him…I told him maybe we should be together not until this whole thing is over.” I took my hands off of his shoulders and stood up. “Damnit Cas what is wrong with you? Can’t you tell he needs you and yet you push him away why?” “I am not the only one that pushes him away Sam.” “What do you mean?” “I was in the back seat the whole time Sam, when you two were talking. You are also pushing him away.” He said as he stood up I look down on him. “I have a reason to push him away you don’t” “Oh what that he betray your trust? He is your brother of course he wasn’t let you die. What else was he supposed to do?” “He should have let me close the gates of hell then we would be fine. We can’t keep doing this. That’s why he needs you so at least he has someone there for him.” He shook his head “I won’t let him get hurt just because I can’t keep my feelings under control, I can’t stop thinking about him this is the only way. I should have never told him.” He whisper. I really want to hit him but that didn’t work out for me last time. “Cas, I may not trust my brother but I still love him and you hurt him. You better hope Dean doesn’t go back to his old habits after this.” “Well maybe you his little brother should be there to pick up the pieces this time not me.” Cas said with anger in his voice. I sit down on the bed not sure what to do. I was really hoping it will work out between them. It was nice to see Dean happy. I can’t pick up the pieces I am the one who put him to pieces in the first place. “Cas how long has Dean been in the bathroom?” Cas got a worry look in his eyes and knock on the door. “Dean are you oaky?” No answer. “Move” I push Cas out of the way and kick the door open. Dean was nowhere and the window was wide open.

  
Dean POV  
I was running, running as fast I can away from Cas, away from Sam, away from everything. I was fooling myself thinking I could be happy with Cas. That Sam and I could be brothers again but I was wrong. I stop running wipe the tears from my face and grab my flask. Taking a long drink, I look around seeing I was in the warehouse district near the demon meeting. I head to the building where the meeting was being held i go to the back door ruby’s knife in at the ready. I turn the door knob when I heard a voice. “The knife could work but this one is way better.” I turn around, it was Crowley and he was holding the first blade. “Well it’s about damn time Crowley.” He roll his eyes “Sorry searching the bottom of the ocean takes a while.” “I thought the blade could only kill Abaddon.” “It can kill other demons too even low level ones. Now I will go in, talk to them, introduce you, and you can go on your little killing spree. Looks like you need too it to Dean” “What’s that supposed to mean?” He smiles and hands me the blade. Once it touches my hand I felt a powerful surge run through my body. It felt wonderful like everything I care about was gone. That nothing matter. “Ready?” he ask I nodded itching to try the blade out.

  
Cas POV  
“Where do you think he’s gone?” I ask Sam, he shrugs and sits down on the bed. “You are not worry?” “Cas knowing him he just drinking away his pain, he will probably stumble back in here, drunk off his ass. I don’t want to go track him down at some bar.” “Well what if he does something stupid like get him self killed?” Sam stay silent for minute and threw his hand up in defeated. “fine tell you what, you go search for him and I will stay here in case in shows up drunk.” I gave him a dirty look and disappear. I hit the liquid store first but no luck. I check all the bars but still could not find him. That is when I realized where he was. The demon meeting it was the only place that make sense at this point. I rush over there when I appear there was blood everywhere and Dean was in the center of dead bodies.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright I was writing this chapter while a song was playing on my computer and this how this chapter came to be. The song is call Lost Without Love by the 69 eyes. IF you want listen to it while you read Cas POV. You can find it on Youtube

Dean POV  
“Thank you all for coming, we are here to today to show our support for Abaddon as the queen of hell.” There were cheers. Crowley walk out “So I guess that means you don’t believe I am good king.” “Well it is not that, just we haven’t heard from you in a while your grace and we thought..” the demon said “thought I was gone didn’t you. Such a low life you are, well I don’t feel like getting my hands that dirty with your blood so I brought a friend.” I came out of my hiding spot, the blade power rushing through me. “Dean Winchester really Crowley this is how low you sunk.” Crowley shrug. “Well then you both shall die and be a wonderful gift to our new Queen Get Them!” A demon came up to me I grab the blade tight and swung. I cut off the demons head, stab other one in the heart. I felt powerful like I could take on anything. I cut other head off. One came at me and I threw him to the ground and stab him the stomach. He scream and I just smile. I just kept slicing and slicing. I didn’t care who got in the way at this point. Finally the so call demon who call this meeting was the only one left. I went up about to kill him when Crowley appear and took him away. “Damnit Crowley.” I was still holding the blade and I didn’t want to let it ago. I want to kill something, anything else. “Dean?” I turn around and there was Cas, he look at me with a worry look in his eyes. He took a look at the blade and the bodies. “Dean drop the blade, please.” I look at the blade and back at him. “Please Dean” I felt all the power drain out of me as I drop the blade. “Cas?” he came up and touch my check. “Are you okay Dean?” I pull away from him “I am fine.” I said as I saw him pick up the blade. “Your leg is bleeding Dean.” I look down, and saw my pants were torn and there was blood flowing from my right leg. “It’s fine Cas, let just get out of here.” I was mad because Crowley took that demon and I have no clue where he went. I could barely walk, when Cas grab my arm and put around his shoulder. “you can’t walk Dean let me transport you back to the hotel.” “Fine if it will make you happy.”

He did so and sat me down on the bed. Sam was sitting on the other bed “What happen?” he ask “Oh you know Crowley show up with the first blade, i kill a bunch of demons, one of them got me in the leg. The unusual.” “Where is the first blade now?” I made a grab for it but Cas hold back “I think it will be better if I hold on to it for now Dean.” I shrug and got up to go take care of my leg when Cas stop me. “Let me take care of it for you Dean.” “Why would you want to take care of my leg Cas?” he gave me a disbelief work “You know why.” And he heal it. I got admit my leg did feel better. I look into his blue eyes wanting so badly to kiss him but I knew I couldn’t. I was reach out to touch him but pull my arm back when I heard my phone rang. “Hello?” “It’s me squirrel.” “Crowley what the hell?” “Sorry I need the demon alive and not dead. I found out where Abaddon is.” “Where?” “Orlando, Florida.” I laugh “Really? Well that’s a shocker.” “Look just grab moose and go kill her for me.” “oh no your coming with us.” “Fine I will meet you there.” “You better.” And I hung up. “Crowley found where Abaddon is. We are going to Orlando. Let’s leave.” “Dean you should rest.” Said Sam. “I won’t rest until she is dead.” I said and head to the bathroom. Sam place his hand on my arm to stop me. “Don’t worry Sammy I won’t run away.” I said as I close the bathroom door. I turn on the shower as threw up. I guess that is what I get for not eating but food has no interest to me right now. I take off my clothes and jump in the shower letting the water wash away all the blood from the demons. Thinking about Cas hand on my leg, wishing we could be together but now I know it will never happen. I felt the tears drop down my face mixing in with the blood.

  
Cas POV  
Sam start to pack everything up while I kept by the bathroom door making sure Dean didn’t run. I hear the shower running. “Hey Cas?” “Yes Sam?” “How did he look with the blade in his hand?” I look over at him not sure if I really want to tell him what I saw in Dean’s eyes. “He look different Sam like all he care about was killing. All I saw was bloodlust, I am surprised I was even able to snap him out of it.” Sam pick up the first blade “do you think he can do it?” “what kill Abaddon?” he nods. “I believe he can I am just afraid of what he will turn into.” Sam puts the blade down and pats my shoulder “I am sure Dean won’t let get too far.” I was hoping Sam was right but the look in Dean’s eyes was just pure hate and for a moment I swear his eyes were blood red. The bathroom door open and Dean walk out, he didn’t even look at me just walk past me. “Ready Sam?” Sam nod “Come on Cas you can drive I am tired and I am sure Sam needs some sleep.” He drops the keys in my hand not even touching them. Dean sat in the front seat while Sam was in the back. I start driving down the road, Sam fell asleep right away but Dean stay awake. He was just staring out the window there was nothing but silence. I turn on the radio, some song was playing I only understood some of the lyrics one them was “we’re lost without love”. I glance at Dean and he stare down at the radio. I have to protect him, I can’t be in a relationship with him. He glances up at me and I can see the hurt in his green eyes. “I am so sorry Dean.” He looks away from me and puts his head on the window, closing his eyes. It took everything in my power to hold my back my tears, to reach out and hold his hand. I did what I had to do because I love him but I can’t keep hurting him like this.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long I had two big projects due in school this week. I am not sure if a lot of people are liking this story but I will keep writing for those who do like it.

Dean Pov  
I felt Cas lips touch mine, as he pulls me into a deep kiss. His takes off my jacket and pushes me into the bed. He pulls off my shirt and slowly kiss my lips, then my neck and goes down to my nipple and he licks it. I smile and he comes back up kissing my lips his tongue runs across the bottom of my lip and i let him in. I take off his jacket and throw it to the side. He wraps his arms around me as I wrap my arms around him. Enjoying the kiss, he pulls back and smiles “I love you Dean.” I woke up with a start. I hear screaming and someone was kicking me. It was Sam. “Cas pull over damnit.” He did, I jump out of the car and open the back door. “Sammy wake up!” I said as he shook his shoulders. He woke up and sat up. He look between me and Cas who was still in the driver seat. “What happen?” he ask “you were screaming like a mad man and fighting in your sleep. What was the dream about?” he rub his hand over his face. “I was fighting Gradreel and I just couldn’t kill him. I am sorry it was just a nightmare Dean did I hurt you?” I shook my head “Are you okay Sammy?” “Yeah I am fine Dean.” I could see it in his eyes he wasn’t but I knew he didn’t want to talk about it. “Cas why don’t you let me drive I don’t feel like going back to sleep and I am sure Sam doesn’t either.” Sam nodded and we all switch seats Cas was in the back seat again. I look in the mirror thinking about that dream and his lips touching mine. His blue eyes stare back at me and I look away. I know Sam saw me looking at him because he look between Cas and I and just rolled his eyes. I started to drive down the road worry about Sam, Cas and I our problems can wait my brother comes first.

  
Sam POV  
I saw Dean and Cas look at each other. It still made me mad that Cas decide to not take their relationship any further I understand why to protect Dean but I know Dean is hurting. That is why I didn’t tell him what I was really dreaming about. I wasn’t fighting Gradreel I was fighting Dean. He had the first blade and he was trying to kill everyone in sight even me. He already kill Cas and I was trying so hard to fight him off. He was about to stab me in the heart when the real Dean woke me up. I couldn’t tell him that I was afraid he would turn evil. I knew Cas wasn’t telling me everything that happen with Dean and the blade. I notice a change in Dean when he got the mark but if he becomes worst with the blade maybe its good I pushing myself away from him. If he kills me maybe it won’t be so bad because I don’t consider to be his little brother anymore. Well I don’t but I think he still does. He still calls me Sammy, I know he worries about me still even though I try hard to make sure he doesn’t. I thought if he was with Castiel it wouldn’t be so bad but that went up in the air. I really don’t know what to anymore I can’t trust him and I am worry about him turning into something else. He is still my brother but I want the next time we die to be the last time no more, even if it means Dean killing me.

  
Dean POV  
I drove throughout the night into the early morning. I pull over at a Gas station. Sam went inside to get some food while I head to the bathroom. Cas stay back to fill up the car. I wash my face and look in the mirror. I starting to think about the blade and how it felt to hold it. I felt so powerful and everything that was bother me with Cas and Sam and even the whole saving people, hunting things, the family businesses was gone from my head all I care about was killing those damn demons. All that pain was taking away from me and once I drop the blade it all came rushing back. The only other time I felt that good is when I cut. I take my knife out and roll up my sleeve since Cas is keeping the blade away from me this is the only way I can feel like that again. I slowly cut above the mark letting the blood drip down my arm. I look at myself in the mirror and smile. I felt powerful once again. I quickly clean up and head back out to the car. Sam and Cas were waiting for me. Sam handed some pie, I put it to the side. He looks at me with questionable look. “What?” I ask him “Dude it’s pie and you don’t you want it.” I shrug “not now, come on let’s get going.” I saw Sam and Cas share soulful glances at each other. “Guys I am fine let just go.” We arrive in Orlando later that day. I walk in ask for two rooms, I really didn’t need Sam sharing a room with me this time. I hand him his room key and walk in my before he could say anything. Cas was right behind me “Dean are you okay?” I kept silent not even looking at him. He grabs my arm and turns me around “Dean please talk to me.” “Fine where are you going to stay tonight?” I ask him, he let go of me. “I was hoping with you.” He whisper “well I am going to sleep if you want to read or whatever try to be quiet.” I turn away from him but he grab my arm again and push me up against the wall and kiss me.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this should make you all happy a sex scene enjoy

Cas POV  
I knew something was really wrong when Dean got two rooms and didn’t want to share with Sam. When Dean gave Sam his room key he look upset. I pat him on the shoulder and nod to him heading inside Dean room. “Dean are you okay?” he didn’t answer but just ignore me. I grab his arm hoping he would talk to me but he just ask where I will be staying tonight. In truth I wanted to stay with him and hold him. I couldn’t do this anymore, I thought if I didn’t let this relationship go further it would be for the better but I realized I need him just as bad as he needs me. I push him up against the wall and kiss him. He push me off of him “Cas what the hell?” “Just one night Dean, I know what I said but I think we deserved one night.” Dean gave me a dirty look “I am not just a one night stand Cas, you can’t keep changing your mind you either want me or don’t.” “I was just trying to protect you Dean I didn’t even want to tell you I love you in the first place.” I saw tears forming in his eyes “then why did you?” “Because I saw what was happening to you and all I want to do Dean is making you happy.” I could see him holding back his tears “then you took back” he said I walk up to him and place my hands on his wrist “No Dean I never wanted to take it back just keep your safe, but I realized I can’t do this to you I need you like you need me. As hard as I been trying over the last couple days I can’t keep my feelings for you hidden.” He looks at me “You are the one that says we have to and in truth Cas I don’t think this meant to be.” He walks over to the bathroom about to close the door I stop him. He turn to face me and I wrap my arms around him. “You said you didn’t want to do this Cas.” I pull back “I know what I Dean but I think at least we deserved one night and I do think it was meant to be” And kiss him softly on the lips. He deepens the kiss and push me against the wall “one night” he whisper in my ear.  
I smile and wrap my arms around him and took off his jacket as he takes off mine. I guide him to the bed and he sits down breaking our kiss. I take off both of his shirts and took of my tie. I push him on the bed and crawl on top of him, kissing him on his forehead and trail down to his lips. He starts to unbutton my shirt and takes it off. I start to kiss his neck, his chest and I kiss above his pants. He moans to hear him moan sets me on fire and I trail back up to his lips kissing him with passion. He wraps his arms around me and flips me over not breaking the kiss. He kiss the middle of my chest, gently lick my nipple and then trails down to above my pants and kiss right above them. He starts to unbutton and unzips my pants. He takes them off and slowly starts to take off my boxer. He looks at me with his green eyes “you are beautiful Castiel.” I blush “Didn’t know Angels could blush.” He look concern “what’s wrong Dean?” “Are you sure well that this all you?” I nodded “Jimmy went to heaven a long time ago Dean this is 100% me.” He nods and kiss me on the lips one more time and heads down to my lower half. He licks the tip of my cock, I moan wanting more. He then put his whole month around me and starts sucking gently “Dean” I moan and he starts to pull me in and out of his mouth faster and faster. I was about to cum when he stops and comes back to my lips kissing me and push his tongue into my mouth. Our tongues start dancing together as I start to unbutton and un zip his pants. “Take them off” I growl he chuckles, stands up taking off his pants and boxer. I look at him “Dean you are very handsome.” He smiles and crawls back on me. We start to speed up he starts moving his body up and down on me, I grab his cock and start rubbing it while he kisses me. My other hand was on the back of his head while his arms were on the side me steady himself and as he goes up and down on me. I whisper in his ears “get on all fours” He gets off me and I get off the bed he gets back on the bed on all fours. I kiss his check and get behind him I grab his hips and slowly enter him. “Castiel” he moans as I go faster and harder. I see him grab on to the sheets as I go deep inside of him and pull out of then go back deep inside of him. He screams with pleasure, I go in deep and cum inside of him. I pull out of him and flip him over crawling on top off him. I place my hands on his shoulder right where my handprints were starting to fade from when I took him at out of hell. I look at him and smiles he grabs the back on my head pulls in for a kiss. “Now it’s mine turn.” he tells me with a smile.  
Dean Pov  
To feel him deep inside me was wonderful but now I want to show him what I can do. I flip him over on his back and kiss his lips, his chest, his navel and blow softly on his cock. He moans “it is not nice to tease an angel Dean.” I smile and lift his legs onto my shoulders slowly pushing into him. He gasp “are you okay?” I ask him “harder” he said as I push deep into him hard and pull back out of him. I go back into him hard and faster. He moans and his eyes sparkle with enjoyment. I push deep inside of him and cum as he screams “Dean” I smile and put his legs down wrapping my mouth around his cock. I suck gently and then harder. I pull him in and out faster and faster, I could hear him moaning. I deep throat him as he cums. I pull my mouth of him and spit the cum out. I crawl back on top of him kiss his lips softly. He place one his hands on the back of my head the other wrap around my cock slowly stroking it. I deepen the kiss as I slowly move my body up and down on him then I go faster as he rubs me faster. I break the kiss apart and place my hand on his check. “Cas I love you.” He took his hand of me and place his hand on my face kissing me gently “I love you too Dean.” I keep going up and down on him, our cocks touch and we both cum. I roll off him trying to catch my breath. He wrap his arms around me “one perfect night.” He says. I put my head on his chest and close my eyes. Hoping this wouldn’t be the last perfect night.


	15. Chapter 15

Cas POV  
I watch Dean fall asleep in my arms, he was laying on his back, and his head resting on my chest. I cover him up with a blanket when I was pulling the covers up I notice a bandage above his mark. I knew he cut again, I knew I hurt him but I didn’t think it was that bad. I kiss the top of his head and ran my hand across his face. He move closer to me, and turn over. His threw his arm across my waist. I am sorry I ever thought about not having a relationship with him. I have hid my feelings for him for so long and once I told him, I took them back. I shouldn’t have never done that. We can’t just have one night no I want many nights with him. I want to be with him forever. I thought could protect him by pushing him away but I didn’t realized I couldn’t protect him from himself. The only way to do that was to be there for him and that is what I plan to do. Be with him forever, even if we have to keep it a secret.   
Sam POV  
It took me a while to get to sleep mostly because I could hear the noise going on it the room next to me. I really didn’t need to hear my brother having sex it was bad enough I saw him having sex that one time. I dig around in my bag looking for my headphones of course they were all at the bottom of the bag. I heard more then I wanting to hear looking for them. I place my headphones on blasting the music on my ipod hoping it will drown them out, it work. I still couldn’t sleep that dream kept coming back to me. I was trying so hard to fight Dean off but I just couldn’t. His eyes were blood red, he had a look on his face that he will kill anyone and everything that got in his way. It scare me that is why I am glad Cas is there for Dean hopefully that stupid angel won’t ruining this time. Maybe he can protect Dean from becoming evil or else I might have to actually kill him. I think that is what really scares me.  
Dean POV  
I woke up in Cas arms feeling wonderful I look up to see him staring at me. “I was watching you sleep Dean.” I laugh “yeah still a little creepy Cas.” I said as I got up and head towards the bathroom. I felt his arms wrap around my waist and he turns me around. He places his hand on the area where I cut myself. “Was this because of me?” he ask “it was a lot of things Cas.” He look at me with his beautiful blue eyes “like what Dean?” I shrug and slip from his grasp. “I wish you would talk to me Dean.” He whisper “I know Cas just not now okay.” He nods and walks up to me. He pushes me against the bathroom door and kiss me gently on the lips. “I will be here when you need me.” I smile and went to go turn on the shower. I look over my shoulder and he was standing in the doorway. “want to join me?” I ask him “Dean I am angel now I really have no need for a shower.” I grab his arm and pull him in the shower with me. “Yeah but I want you in with me.” I kiss his lips softly and wrap my arms around his waist. He wrap his arms around my shoulder deeping the kiss. I push him against the wall of the shower letting our wet bodies rub together. I grab his cock and start rubbing him softly, our kiss became more passionate. We break apart “I thought the point of showers were to get clean.” I laugh “Do you want me to stop?” he shook his head and jerk him hard. I kiss his neck and I hear him moan. I jerk harder and faster then he cums right in my hand. “Now we can get clean.” I said. I grab the soap and start slowly washing his body top to bottom. i switch places with him so he was under the shower head washing the soap off his body. I start laughing “what?” he ask with his head tilt to the side “I just never knew how cute you would be wet.” He roll his eyes at me and grab the soap. He start to wash my body from top to bottom, having his hands running across my body felt so right. Once he was done he place me under the shower head while he wash his hair. After I wash mine, we got out of the shower I threw Cas a towel. “Dean?” “Yeah Cas?” “I don’t want just one night I want many nights with you, I want to be with you forever. I am sorry for what I said I was just worry that you might get hurt. But I can’t keep away from you, I love you too much Dean. We can keep it secret but I don’t want to be apart.” I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him, bringing him for a hug. “Do you think it could work Cas?” I said while burying my head in his neck. “We are going to try.” He said I lift my head up and kiss him, placing my hand on his chest wanting to take him again and then I heard a knock. “Cas? Dean?” are you two up?” Leave it Sam to ruin the moment. Cas broke apart the kiss and head out “Hey Cas Don’t forget to put some clothes on.” He nods at me while I grab some clothes and shut the bathroom door.


	16. Chapter 16

Sam POV  
It was nine in the morning, I take off my headphones and head to Dean and Cas room hoping they were up. I knock on the door “Cas? Dean? Are you two up?” I hear some movement and Cas opened the door. He was wearing his pants but Dean’s shirt. I don’t even think he realize it. I look around the room there were clothes all over the floor especially boxers. I wish they could hid it a little bit better. Cas notice my looking at the clothes and he starts to pick them up. He then puts on his over shirt over Dean’s shirt, I guess he didn’t want to take it off. “Where is Dean?” “In the bathroom” right then Dean walks out of the bathroom fully dress. He sits down on the bed and puts on his boots. “So where do we start to look for Abaddon.” I ask him. He looks up at me “I don’t know, I am waiting for Crowley to call.” Just then his phone rang, he put on speaker. “Hello boys” “Crowley did you find her?” “Meet me at Tiger Street the fourth building. At noon she should be there” “Fine and Crowley after this” ‘Yeah I know you never want to see me again, I feel so love.” And he hang up. “well Cas it looks like I need the blade.” Cas look at me and back at Dean. “I will give to you when get there Dean.” I saw Dean roll his eyes about to say something but I didn’t want an argument between them “let’s go get breakfast” I suggested Dean glances at me then back Cas giving him a look like they were going to talk about it later. Dean grab his bag and head outside Cas was start to follow, I grab his arm. “are you sure he can do this Cas?” he look out the door and back of me. “I trust Dean unlike you” he said with his eyes narrowing at me. I let go of him and follow him out. When we got to the Diner I order eggs white omelet and spinach. Dean gave shake his head at me. “What, I am sorry that I am trying to eat healthy Dean.” I thought he was going to order the greasiest thing on the menu but he surprised me by just ordering a muffin. Both Cas and I gave him soulful look. “What I am not that hungry.” Cas place his hand on his arm “Dean you need your strength.” Dean pull his arm away and Cas realized what he did pull his hand away and move over to sit next to me. They were still trying to keep it a secret. “Dean how can we trust Crowley?” I ask him “we can’t but he wants Abaddon dead as much as I do.” “and after she dies Dean then what?” “We kill Crowley, Gradreel, get the angels back in heaven and kill Metradon. They maybe we can finally be done with this shit.” “We wouldn’t have to deal with Abaddon or Crowley if let me close the gates of hell in the first place Dean.” He look up at me with a glare and got up. Cas got up to follow him not before he looks back at me “Sam why do you keep doing this to him?” I know it was wrong thing to say it just came out. I guess I was still mad at him, I pay for breakfast and notice Dean didn’t even touch his muffin. I head out to see Dean leaning against the impala his head hung down. Cas was trying to talk to him but I could tell Dean wasn’t listening. “Dean look” I began before he stop me “we better get going Crowley is waiting.” I try to get into the front seat but Cas block me. I was force to seat in the back. I knew they were both mad at me even if it was the truth I just hope I didn’t make things worse.   
Dean POV  
All I was trying to do was protect my little brother, to make sure he was okay. He wanted to live, he want to beat the trails and now he wishes that he die. I don’t understand why. We pull up to the fourth house on Tiger Street. Crowley was waiting out front “Hello boys and Castiel how are you?” “Where is she Crowley?” I ask he bit his lips “well it seems like I made a mistake, She is not here, but I went back to our little demon friend and he said it was second street not Tiger Street, and it’s at midnight not noon my bad.” “Damnit Crowley.” He put his hand up in defense “hey sorry it not my fault so I will see you at midnight.” “Not this time Crowley you are coming with us to figure out a plan.” I told him. He roll his eyes at me and got in the back seat with Sam who look like he was about to kill him “Fine what’s the bloody plan?”   
Sam POV  
We spend hours of talking and preparing for this fight. Dean didn’t want to go back to the hotel so we head to an abandon warehouse. Crowley was about to leave when Dean gave him a dirty look. “Well boys we have an about three hours to go what should we do now?” “Sit here quietly.” Dean said. Crowley sat down “So Cas what’s new with you?” Cas didn’t even look at him “So no talking at all then well this should be fun.” I notice Dean and Cas were sitting as far away from each other as possible and so did Crowley “I see you are far away as Dean as possible are you two having relationship problems?” “Shut it Crowley.” Dean said I knew Crowley was making one of his joke but I really hope he didn’t figure out Cas and Dean were with each other. “Oh I touch a nerve there well if you two won’t talk what about you Moose?” I gave him a death glare not waiting to deal with him. “Fine whatever” a hour past and we started to pack up the impala. We drove off to second street. When we got there Crowley pointing a white building “She is in there.” We got out “Okay so Crowley will go in first distracted Abaddon while Dean goes in the back. Cas and I will destroy anything demons that get in the way” Dean turn to Cas and hold out his hand. Cas pull out the first blade looking at him and Dean. He was heisted about giving it to him but he place in his hand. When Dean turn around to look at me, his eyes seem blood red I thought my dream was coming true. “let’s do this.” He growl and walk to the back door. I look after him scare about what might happen in there.   
Crowley walk in first “well hello dear” “Crowley!! How did you find me?” I hear Abaddon said. “Ah you know a little birdie told me.” “Well it doesn’t matter good thing you’re here so I can kill you and not deal with you anymore.” Cas and I were hiding behind the door. Crowley hold up one figure “Ah but I brought help you see.” Cas and I burst through the door I had the demon knife in my hand, and Cas had his angel blade. A demon came up to attack me and stab them right in the stomach. Next thing we know we were surrounded by demons. Crowley was even fighting, I stab other demon and look up to see Dean come up behind Abaddon. She turn around and flung him into the wall. He slide down it and I could see a hole in the wall. Cas and I start to push through the demons killing as many as we can, trying to get to Dean. Abaddon walk over to him and pick him up by his neck. I could see blood coming from his mouth. “You can’t kill me honey.” He close his eyes and starts to laugh, she push against the wall harder. Cas and I finally mange to break through the demons but something was holding us back we couldn’t get close not even Cas. “What’s so funny?” she ask angrily. Dean open his eyes and I could see them just like in my dream there was no mistake it this time they were blood red. “I beg a differ.” He said. Next thing I know Abaddon was stumble backwards and let Dean go. She was holding her stomach, the first blade was sticking out of her. I didn’t even see his arm move. Dean walk over up to her and pull the blade out then he chop off her head. Whatever force was holding us back seem to break. Crowley walk up beside up “well he did it now I can go back.” Dean was looking down at body smiling. He look up at Crowley “and that’s my cue to go” Crowley disappear. I look over at Dean he was holding the blade and was laughing “Guess Crowley is scare of me well he should be.” He mutters. I walk up to Dean and that is when I notice he was still bleeding from the mouth. “Dean are you okay?” he looks at me with such hate that for the first time ever I was terrified of my brother. I back away, Cas appear behind and quickly grab the blade before he could react. Dean turn around and I could see there was blood on his shirt, he was bleeding from the back. Next thing I know Dean fell into Cas arms, I rush over as Cas was holding him. He was hardly breathing.


	17. Chapter 17

Cas POV  
I was holding Dean close to me, I place my hand on his back feeling the blood. I look at my hand and look at Sam who had a worry look on his face. Sam lift up the back his shirt “Cas” I look over Dean shoulder to see a piece of wood sticking out from his back. I look over at the wall where he hit, to see a wood beam sticking out. “Sam we need to get Dean back to the hotel, I can’t transfer him I need to save my strength to heal him. “ Sam nodded and head out to get the car. Dean woke up and start to cough some blood. “Cas?” he said weakly. “It’s okay Dean, I am here.” “Where *cough* Sammy?” “He went to get the car just hold on Dean.” He pass out again, where the hell is Sam? I grab the first blade and hid in my coat. Sam came in a few seconds later running over to us. We pick Dean up slowly and place him on stomach in the backseat. Sam drove as fast as he could back the hotel. When we got there Sam open the door to Dean’s room. We put him on the bed and I take off his shirt getting a better look at the piece of wood sticking out from his back. It seem to hit his liver. “Sam get towels once I pull the wood I need you to press down hard until I can heal him” Sam went and got towels. “Ready?” I ask Sam about to pull out the piece of wood. “Do it Cas” I pull out the wood as fast I can. Dean scream in pain. I never hear him scream in pain before, I knew it was bad. Sam quickly place the towels on his back, I kneel down in front of Dean face and kiss him on the lips letting my powers go through him. It was a long kiss but I kept going until I made sure he was completely heal. “Cas the blood is gone.” Sam took a step back away from his brother as I broke the kiss. I got up and almost fell over but Sam caught me. “Take it easy Cas.” He help me over to a chair and shook Dean shoulder. “Cas he not walking up.” “He was in a lot pain Sam, he body needs to time to heal just like I do.” “Then I will stay here and watch over you both.” I smile and close my eyes, hoping Dean was fully heal.   
Dean POV  
I was falling into darkness, there was no light, and there was no end. I hear a voice “Soon Dean soon you will be mine.” I couldn’t place the voice but I knew I hear it somewhere before. “No one will save you Dean.” I scream and woke up with a start. I was back in the hotel room Sam was fast asleep and so was Cas which I found weird. I don’t remember how I came back here, in fact I don’t remember anything after I kill Abaddon. I just remember how powerful I felt and how wanted that power back. I got up and saw Cas coat across one of the chairs somehow I knew it was in there. I open the jacket to see the first blade. I pick it up and all that power came rushing back to me. I smile and I knew where I had to go next. I grab my bag and sneak past Sam, close the door and jump into the impala. Abaddon is gone, now just need Crowley, Gradreel and Metatron. I know even after they are dead that there will be something else or someone else. A new enemy to fight, a new battle, and no chance for Cas and I to be happy. I think of that other night how passionate Cas and I were with each other. It was a wonderful night and I want many more. I start to think maybe there is a chance for us to be happy, I thought that with Lisa and Ben too and that didn’t turn out so well. There have been times I want to go back to check on them, make sure there ok but I can’t. I love Cas with all my heart but I love being with Lisa and Ben. I did enjoy the domestic life. I wonder if I can have anything like that with Cas, a home, BBQ, and an apple pie life. I can start fresh with Cas and maybe Sammy will find him someone and we can all be happy. I wouldn’t leave Cas for Lisa, I still love her but I love Cas more. I look over at the blade on the passenger seat. I am just fooling myself, both Sam and I have try at the normal life and it always keeps crushing down. Lisa and Ben are gone from my life and now I have Cas, with him I thought maybe I could push through the emotions of losing my family and friends. However I can still feel the pain. Then there is Sam pushing me away, saying we are not brothers, and wanting to be professional. I did everything I could to protect Sam, and yet to him it means nothing. What I am supposed to do not protect my little brother, not do everything for him. I been watching out for him my whole life and even though he is grown, it is my job to still look out from him but I am losing him. I pull over and got on the car. I scream in the air “What I am supposed to do?” my little brother is gone and this time I don’t think I can bring him back. I starting to feel sick and threw up blood. That wasn’t a good sign but I had to keep going and I head back down the road.  
Cas Pov  
I woke up and look around the room to see Sam fast asleep so much for him watching over us. I look over at the bed, hoping Dean was okay. He wasn’t in the bed, I got up fast and look in the bathroom. No sign of him. I grab my jacket and realized the first blade was missing and so was his bag. “Sam wake up” I yelled. He woke with a start “What Cas?” “Dean is gone.” “What do you mean he is gone?” I roll my eyes and open the door the impala was missing. “He is gone, his bag, the blade, and the car.” “Where do you think he has gone?” he ask. “I don’t know” and slam my fist on the table cracking it “Calm down Cas.” “I will not calm down Sam, he left without saying anything who knows what he is doing.” Sam put his hands in front of him in defense. “I am sure he is fine, he probably at a bar or something.” I didn’t think Dean was at a bar, it is too early and he would have woke me I am sure of it. Sam sat down “we should go look for him.” I said “fine you go look for him but I am going to head back to the bunker. he off on his own little adventure and I sick of chasing him down.” I put on my jacket “I thought you still care for him.” “I do Cas but I am sick of him running off without out tell me or you and it is always some bar or something to do with demons. If he want us he would ask to come. He doesn’t want our help Cas.” “He might not want it Sam but he does need our help.” He pulls out his cell and calls Dean. “His phone is turn off Cas we can’t track him through GPS, look like I said I will go back to the bunker maybe we can have a better idea where he is going, because who knows with that mark what it can do to him.” “I am not going to sit around and read books Sam while Dean is out there doing who knows what, no I am going to track him.” With that I disappear.


	18. Chapter 18

Sam Pov  
I couldn’t do anymore, chasing after Dean because his emotions are out of wack. I am not sure if it has something with the mark or not. That is why I need to go back to the bunker to find more information on the first blade. I saw Dean eyes go red and I need to figure out how to stop the power of the blade from taking over him. If it hasn’t already. I hot wire a car and head back to bunker, we have no clue what this mark and the blade are doing to him maybe I can find something in all those books that can help me track him down. At least that is what I believe, however Cas might just find him at a bar drunk off his ass. That would be the best case scenario.   
Cas POV  
I didn’t find Dean in any bars like Sam thought he was, so I head outside of town. I walk a few miles when I got a scent of Dean, I look around and saw a puddle of blood. Did I heal him as well as I thought or was something else going? I was getting worry, I don’t know where Dean went or why he left. I was still weak from healing and could not appear in the impala so I keep walking hoping to get my strength back soon.  
Dean POV  
A day has already past and I was still a day away from my where I needed to be. My arm was burning so bad and I have to keep pulling over because I kept getting sick. I knew I had to keep driving I need to do this and once it’s done I can finally make things right with Sam.   
Sam POV  
I arrive at the bunker and head straight to the library. I look for books about Cain and the mark but there was nothing that I don’t already know. Maybe that book in Enchoin that I found with the spell to find Gradreel will help. I knew I couldn’t read it but maybe there was a picture of the mark and Cas can translate for me later. I took out the book from it’s hiding spot, I look at the spell for tracking an angel and realize the translation was missing. I frantically look through the draw and area around it. I couldn’t find it, I dial Dean his phone was still out. “Cas if you can hear me, I think Dean is about to do something stupid.”  
Dean POV  
I finally arrive, I walk up to the house and knock on the door. “Hello Dean” I nod “Cain.” “I have been waiting for you.” I took the first blade out ready to stab him “You want this done quickly or you want some time?” I ask him “I said my goodbyes Dean, I am ready but let me ask you something.” “What?” “Have you been eating?” I shook my head “you feel the power of the blade and all you want is to keep feeling the power don’t you?” I grab the first blade tightly “I told you Dean it is a curse and it will only get worse.” “Then I won’t let it” I told him. He smiles “Dean it will control and you will lose everyone you love even that angel you love.” and how did he know? He smiles “I know everything Dean.” And I stab right him in the heart. There was big red flash and he was gone. Then pain disappear from my arm and I head to his back yard. I found a nice clearing and took out my spray paint. I look at the paper I had in my hand and drew the symbol on the ground. I sit in the middle of symbol and took out a bowl and my ingredients for the spell. I read the instruction again: one part wormwood, one part mandrake root, one part Yarrow, and a pint of blood from one with the mark of protection, heaven and hell. I mix the dry ingredients in the bowl and I cut my wrist with the first blade above the bowl, I cut deep watching the blood flow from wrist. I didn’t pay attention of how much blood was coming out once the bowl was full I said the spell. I start to feel dizzy but I had to finish the spell for Sam. The blood start to swirl and then became clear. I saw where that basterd was I quickly wrote it down on the notebook next to me. I didn’t cover up my wrist, I just kept letting bleed maybe Cain was right. I will lose everything, Abaddon is dead and maybe it is better to end it now before I can’t control it. I start to cough and when I look at my hand there was more blood, my vision starts to fade “Dean” I look up and could see a blur outline of Cas running towards me “Cas?” I whisper and that was last thing I knew.


	19. Chapter 19

Cas POV  
My strength was finally back up and I was able to appear in the impala. I look around noticing I was at some house. I have no clue why Dean would be here, I get out the car and start to head up the stairs but something told me to go to back yard. I head back there and that’s when I saw him. He was on his knees and I could see his arm was cover in blood. “Dean!!” I ran towards him and caught him just as he pass out. His wrist was bleeding, I place my hand on it healing it but I could tell he had lost a lot of blood. I look around and realize he was doing a spell, and that is when I saw it. The translation for the spell to track Gradreel. “Oh Dean what did you do?” I ran my hand over his check, I had to get him the hospital quick, and I knew I didn’t heal all the way before .I need to figure out what was going on. I saw his journal lying to the side and grab it. I appear outside an ER “Someone help me” I yell as I carry Dean into the ER. A nurse came up to me “what happen?” “I don’t know he just past out and I don’t know” she grab a gurney and took him to a room. I was right behind her “you family?” she ask. I nod not able to speak. The doctor came rushing in and start to take test. I stood by the door waiting for an answer, a nurse hand me towel. I gave her a questionable look “You are crying.” She said with a small smile. I wipe my face, I didn’t even know. I should have heal him better, I should have made sure he was alright, and I should have never left him out of my sight. “He lose a lot of blood I don’t know how since there is no opening wounds, we need to take him for a x-ray.” I hear the doctor say. The wheel him out and I start to follow when the nurse stop me. “I am sorry Sir you can’t come.” I stood there in the hallway watching them wheel him away. I punch the wall, I am supposed to protect him and yet I had to take him to a fucking hospital because I couldn’t help him. I withdrew my fist and saw a left a hole in the wall. I walk back to the room and wait for them to get back. A nurse wheel him back in about 30 minutes later. “What is wrong with him?” I ask her “I am sorry we are waiting for the x-rays but right now he is in a coma.” I sat down, place my hands over my face a coma he was in a coma. “I am sorry sir but what is his name?” I knew Dean will be mad if I gave them his real name. “It’s umm John, John Smith.” She nods “Okay well I have some paper work for you to fill out.” She left. I look at Dean and kiss his forehead I didn’t care about our enemies right now “I will be right back” I whisper. I appear at the bunker a moment later. Banging on the door, Sam answer looking worry out his mind. “About time I been calling you for the last” and he stop “you been crying, Is Dean alright?” I shook my head “I am sorry Sam I miss something when I heal him and he umm he umm.” I pull out the journal and flip to the page I found it on. I hand it over to Sam, he took it “I knew it. he did the spell. Where is he Cas?” “I had to take to the hospital, he is in a coma Sam.” “Let’s go” he said. I nod and grab his arm and transport him back to the hospital in his room. The nurse came in “There you are I was looking for you, I need to fill out this paper work and who is this?” “I am his brother.” Sam said and took the clipboard from her.   
Sam Pov  
When Cas show up, I was mad because I needed to tell him Dean took the spell. When I saw the tears on his face, I knew I was too late. “Your John Smith brother?” I gave Cas a look but he was looking at Dean. “Yes I am Sam Smith and he is a close friend on the family, he went to get me.” The nurse nod and I hand the clipbored back to her. “what is wrong with my brother?” just then the Doctor walk in “Doctor this is John Smith brother.” Said the nurse. “Well you brother is in a coma from losing so much blood and on his x-ray there seems to be a piece of wood in his liver and he is bleeding internal. We don’t know how to get out unless we open him up but with as much blood as he lost already it would be dangerous.” The doctor said “then when can you get it out?” “I am sorry sir but we have to give him time for the blood transfusion to take effect before we can do anything.” I nod and sat down next to the bed. “we will give you two sometime with him.” They left and Cas stood over the other side of Dean and I saw him squeeze his hand, tears flowing down his face. “Cas it is not your fault.” “it is Sam I should have heal him better, I should have never translated that spell, and I should have never let him out of my sight.” “Dean will do what he wants to do. You know that Cas don’t blame yourself.” “I have to protect him.” “From what Cas himself?” he stay silent and I open the journal to read it. It had a city and a state. I look over at Dean, thinking of all the other times he has been in the hospital almost dying. I couldn’t go find other faith healer, I couldn’t sell my soul, no the best thing to do right now was to find Gradreel and fight him. I stand up “Cas I am going to go find Gradreel.” “What about Dean?” “There Is nothing I can do for him Cas, I can’t just sit here hoping he will come out of this alive. No I am going to go hunt down Gradreel and if I die then maybe Dean and I will meet up again one day. Heck who knows maybe with us dead we can reopen heaven somehow.” “I won’t let either one of you die.” He said I put my hand on his shoulder. “I know Cas.” “I will come with you.” “No Cas, stay here with Dean if he walks up I don’t want him to be alone.” ‘Then at least let me take you to the impala.” I nod and we appear next to the impala. Cas head to backyard while I made sure I had everything I need. He came back with the first blade in his hand. He put in the truck and hand me an angel blade. “Take it and come back alive Dean will kill me if you don’t.” I smile and took it. “Watch over my brother Cas.” “Watch over yourself.” I shook his hand and head out. I wasn’t abandon my brother, and I knew Cas will take care of him as best as he can. I just need to do this for myself and it was the only way to keep my mind of Dean dying.   
Cas POV   
I head back to hospital and sat beside Dean wondering what I should do. The doctor came in took a few notes and left. He had so many tubes in his body and he was pale. I stare at him and remember something I was told a long time ago in Heaven. Anyone with Winchester blood could be posse by any angel that is why Sam and Dean were Michael and Lucifer Vessel because any angel could posse them. All I need him to do is say yes. This body was mine so it was not like it would be left alone and someone can take it. If I could posse him, I could heal him internal and get him out of this damn place. All I need to do was enter his mind. I shut the door to his room and lock it. I place my hand on his forehead and enter his mind. I was excepting darkness but there was a light and I was in a hallway. On the wall there were pictures. I walk down the hallway looking at the pictures, there was one of Dean when he was little and Mary was hugging him. The next one was John and him playing ball. One thing all the pictures had in common was there was a bloody handprint on each one of them. I kept walking down and I saw most of this pictures were people he consider family even Lisa and Ben were on the wall. However on every photo there was a bloody handprint like someone stood there and just stare at the picture. I was reaching the end of the hall. One of the pictures were him and Sam drinking beer, and laughing. The next picture was our first kiss. I realized these were his memories. I stare at the picture of our first kiss for a long time there was a handprint in the middle of us. I turn away from the picture, it seem so long ago now. I enter a circle room and saw Dean on the floor holding a picture. I look over his shoulder, to look at the picture. He was cooking on a grill smiling, I had my arm around his waist and Sam was there with some blonde women. We were all smiling and laughing, we look happy. I sat down next to Dean and wrap my arms around him he lean into my shoulder. “It looks wonderful Dean.” He gave a small smile “Yeah I want Sam to be happy and I want us to be happy.” He ran his hand over the picture and that when I notice the blood on his hand. “Why is your hand bleeding?” I grab his hand but I saw no cuts. “It’s the blood of everyone who has die because of me.” “Dean you can’t keep blaming yourself.” He look up at me. “I really wish you were here Cas, to tell you how much I love you and how I am sorry for everything.” “I am here Dean.” He shook his head “No you are not. I saw Death and told him I need some alone time with my memories honestly I thought Sam would be my last memory, but I am glad it was you” He look back at the picture I could see he was holding back tears. “Sam and I have been through so much together, I know he still doesn’t trust me but I hope he lives a better life after I am gone.” I turn Dean’s face towards me “You are not going anywhere Dean Winchester. I won’t let you. You still have a life to live we still have a life to live. This could still be us.” I said as I point at the picture. “I am here Dean and Sam is out there about to fight Gradreel.” He looks at me surprised “What?” “That’s right Dean you are in coma, I could heal you but you need to say yes.” “yes to what?” he ask me “Dean let me heal you from the inside it is the only way I could do it.” “Like what Gradreel did to Sam?” “Please Dean let me heal you, let me protect you and your brother.” He look away from me and look towards the door at the end of the hall. I grab his arm “please Dean, I won’t hide anything from you. You will be awake the whole time” He looks back at me and kiss me softly on the lips “Yes.”


	20. Chapter 20

Dean POV  
I woke up gasping for breath. The doctors came in and start to take the tubes out of me. I could feel Cas in my mind, I was surprised to be in control of my own body. “I told you Dean you would be awake the whole time even having control over you own body.” The doctors took some blood and went to run some test. I look beside the bed to see my notebook, I pick it up and open it to see a note from Sam. “Cas did you know about this.” “I didn’t even know he wrote something.” I start to read “Dean, I have been very mad at you for the past few weeks but seeing you on the hospital bed made me think of all the times I did everything I could to heal you. Taking you to that so call faith healer, trying to sell my soul and so on. I said we need to stop that is why I left because if I knew if I would have stay, I would have found some way to make sure you live. I know you only let Gradreel take over me was to save me. If you are reading this, I guess that means Cas found a way to heal you like I knew he would. I know you will come find me to make sure I don’t die but Dean if I do die please go be with happy with Castiel he is good for you and have a chance to be happy without worry about your little brother.” “we need to get out of here Cas.” “let me take over Dean, do you know where Sam is?” “I remember Portland, Oregon.” I said as I fall back into my mind and let Cas took over. He was able to use his energy and transport us to Portland. It was the weirdest feeling in the world. I felt dizzy “You alright Dean?” “yeah fine Cas.” We were outside a hotel, Cas was still in control and we walk up to a room. He knocks or well I knock this is getting confusing. “Dean?” Sam said as he open the door and pull me in for a hug or more like Cas who didn’t hug back. “You are alright, was it Cas?” “Sam I am sorry I am not your brother.” He took a step back and grab the holy water and splash it on my body. “Sam it’s me Castiel, I am possessing Dean so I can heal him. “ “Your possesses him?” I could see the anger come over his face “Cas you better let me take over.” He did and I put my hands up in defense. “Hold up Sammy I told him yes.” “Dean?” I smile “Yeah.” He hugs me and I hug back. “So he is possessing you to heal you.” I nod “it is really weird because I know he is there, yet I am looking through my eyes with someone else controlling my body. So what’s the plan Sam?” Sam laugh “As much as I want you there Dean I do need to do this by myself.” “ I am not going to let that happen.” I told him then Cas spoke up “Dean you still need to heal if you go into a fight now I am not going to be able to heal you.” I stay silent, thinking. “Fine how about this I rest while Cas goes with you just so I know your safe.” “Dean” Sam start to say “look I just want to make sure you are protected but I will tell you what if you die, I won’t save you this time but don’t go on a suicide mission.” Sam stay silent as did Cas. “Please?” Sam nod and then he gave me a funny look. “What?” “Dean there is something wrong” Cas said “what do you mean?” and next thing I know Cas was out of my body. “I didn’t do that” I said and then I start to scream. It felt like my whole body was on fire. “Dean” I hear Sam yell but I was on the floor trying to stop the pain.   
Cas POV  
I was push out of Dean body by force and it wasn’t him who cast me out. He was screaming so loud, he was in pain. I try to touch him but when I get my hand near him it felt like he was burning. Sam look worry and then glare at me “What did you do Cas?” he yell “I didn’t do anything” I yell. Then the screaming stop, Dean took away his hands from his face look up at Sam and then me. I saw his eyes roll back and he pass out. I went over and pick him up he was no longer burning. “What the hell happen Cas?” “Something push me out, something dark and I don’t know what.” I touch his forehead trying to get into his mind. “I can’t enter his mind Sam, something is blocking me.”   
Dean POV  
I was back in the circular room with my memories the burning feeling stop. I walk around the room looking at the photos. All the good memories were there even ones that haven’t happen yet. “Dean” I turn around and it was Cain standing there. “I kill you” “yes you did but I am here to warn you Dean” “Warn me of what.” ‘The mark.” “yes I know it is a curse.” “It’s not only that Dean it will take away everything.” He nod towards the pictures. I look at them and they were all melting away “No” I scream. “Dean you can’t ever have happiness.” With that he disappear, I grab the last picture it was a dream I had of Cas and I laying out the grass staring up into the heavens, it melt from my hands. I will never have any happiness. “Hello Dean.” I look up to see someone I thought I would never see again.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sex scene*

Sam POV  
I was sitting at the side of Dean bed while Cas trying to figure out to re connect with him. When Cas said it was something dark blocking him, I knew I couldn’t leave to fight Gradreel. I need to figure out what is going on with Dean. Cas try one more time to enter Dean’s mind but with no luck. ”I wasn’t able to heal him all the way he might be back in a coma.” Cas said “Dean, I need you to fight whatever is going on inside your head, fight it Dean for me.” I told him. He open his eyes slowly, I smile “I knew you could do it.” He sat up look at me and Cas. “You two should stay away from me.” He whisper. “Why Dean?” Cas ask but he didn’t answer and just head to the bathroom closing the door and locking. What is going on with my brother?

Dean POV  
“Hello Dean” I look up, his face I never want to see again. “Lucifer” I said as I stood up ready to fight. He laugh “Don’t worry Dean I am still in cage but also in your mind.” “How?” I ask “When you took the mark which is mine mark by the way, I could connect with you. It took a while for me to reach you but I am here now.” “what do you want from me Lucifer?” he walks around the room as I try to stay away from him. “quiet a mess in here.” He said looking at all the melted pictures. “Get to the point Lucifer” He came up to me and put his hand on my chest, I was trying to fight him off but he was too strong. There was a glow and my body felt a lot better. “There all heal now we can talk.” “why did you heal me?” “Why Dean it is because you are going to be the new knight of hell.” I walk away from him. “That is never going to happen.” He laughs “oh it will happen and everyone you love will be dead.” With that he disappear. I woke to notice Sam and Cas watching me with worry looks. “you two should stay away from me.” I heard Cas say something but I didn’t listen. I walk to the bathroom and splash some cold water on my face. Lucifer was in my head but I couldn’t let Sam or Cas know about it. If everyone I love will be dead it is better if they stay away from me. I hear a knock “Dean you okay” Sam ask I walk out “yeah I am fine Sam.” Cas came up and put his arm around me. He back away in surprise “What?” I ask “you are heal all the way, how did that happened?” “you mean it wasn’t you?” I ask he shook his head. I shrug “I don’t know then. How long was I out?” “About 30 minutes.” Sam said. It felt longer to me. I grab some clothes and head to the bathroom. “I am going to go take a shower.” I said “what some company?” Cas ask. I saw Sam trying to hide his laugh. “Umm you do know my brother is in the room.” “I don’t understand.” He said “of course you don’t” I mutter as I close the bathroom door behind me. I got into the shower letting the water wash over me. Thinking about what Lucifer said I will lose everyone I love. Right now that was Cas and Sam. I close my eyes for a bit enjoying the water. When I open them again I was in the middle of a field. There were bodies all around me the first two I saw were Cas and Sam, then I spot Lisa and Ben. I didn’t know the rest of the bodies but all of them had blood. I look down at my hands there was a lot of blood on them. I felt someone arms slide around my waist. “Soon Dean you will be mine and this is what is going to happen.” Lucifer whisper in my ears. He let go of me and I fell down on my knees, closing my eyes letting the tears fall freely. I was back in the bathroom of the hotel outside the shower. I don’t even remember getting out. I walk out of the bathroom fully dress, Cas and Sam stare at me. “What?” “are you sure you alright Dean?” “I am fine Sam.” He grabs his bag “alright here the deal, I will go out find out where Gradreel is hiding out, I will call you when I find out and Cas can come since that is what you want but Dean I don’t want you there.” I shrug thinking about Lucifer. “whatever you say.” He gives me a questionable look and walks out. I sat down next to Cas. I just want to forget about Lucifer, the first blade, and Sam not wanting me to help him fight. “I will protect him Dean.” I turn to face Cas and pull his face towards mine. Kissing him softly “I know” I whisper. 

I crawl on top of him and push him on the bed. “Dean what are you doing?” I kiss him passionate on the lips. All I want was him, no worries, no Lucifer, and no Gradreel just Cas and I. I was straddling him letting my hands wonder all over his body, I start to unbutton his shirt and I took it off putting my hand on his chest. He wraps his arm around my shoulders and kiss me. I broke the kiss and took off my shirt throwing it to the side. He sat up and runs his hand over my chest and licks the tip of my nipple. I push him back into the bed and kiss him hard, my hand slide down his side to right above his waistband. I broke the kiss staring him in the eyes as I unbuckle and unzips his pants. He smiles as I slowly get off of him taking off his pants along with his boxers. I take off my pants and boxers crawling back on top of him. Our bodies start moving with each other our hands explore each other bodies. Cas wrap his legs around my waist and flip me over. He smiles as he goes down to my cock and gives the tip a lick. “Cas don’t tease” he chuckles as he puts me in his mouth sucking gently. I ran my hand through his hair and he starts to pull me in and out of his mouth. I gasp as I cum into his mouth. He pulls me out of him and crawls back on top of me kissing me softly on the lips. “I want you inside of me Cas.” I wrap my legs around his waist as he position himself and slowly enters me. He pulls out and push back in deeper. I grab his back digging my nails into him as he goes hard and fast. “Castiel” I scream as he pulls out and push back in deep and hard. I arch my back as he cums deep inside of me. He kiss me on the lips hard and pulls out of me. He got off the bed as did i. I put my hands on his chest and push him against the wall his arms were wrap around my waist, I kiss him on the mouth force my tongue to explore his mouth. He gladly accept it as he cups my ass. I smile and turn him around, he was facing the wall as I place my hands on his hips and enter him slowly. His hands were flat on the wall but as I start to going harder and faster I saw them clenching. I grab his cock with one of my hands and start jerking it as I push deep inside of him cumming. “Dean” he gasp. I pull out of him and take my hand off his cock. He turns around wrap his arms around my shoulder as I wrap my arms around his waist. I look into his bright blue eyes, knowing he would never let Lucifer take me over. He kiss me and push me back on the bed, I ran my hands down his sides and gently rub my thumb over his nipple. He softly kiss me on the neck and trails down to my chest. Kissing the middle of my chest. “Cas?” “Yes Dean.” He said as he looks up at me I sat up putting my arms behind me, he was still straddling me. I place my hand on his check “If something happens to me would do whatever you can to save me.” He looks at me with concern “I won’t let anything bad happen to you Dean.” I smile as he kiss me, pushing me back into the bed.


	22. Chapter 22

Cas Pov  
I kiss deeply and roll off him. I place my arm around him as he curl up next to me. I pull the blankets over us. He fell asleep a moment later, I was worry about him. What had heal him? What was he hiding from me? And why did he ask me to save him, save him from what? I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even hear Sam come in until I hear someone clear his throat. I jump out of bed ready to attack “Woha Cas it’s just me.” He said covering his eyes, I forgot both Dean and I were still naked. I got back in bed with Dean who turn over to his other side and didn’t even wake up. “Sorry Sam.” He uncover his eyes “well that is something I did not want to see and thank you for taking over my bed.” I have forgotten this was Sam room. “I will sleep on the floor don’t feel like getting other room.” He mutters “Did you have any luck finding Gradreel.” “I got a few leads I will tell you two tomorrow right now I just want to sleep.” He lay down some blankets and I hand him a pillow. He looks at it with a creepy look. “No offense Cas but if that was on the bed when you and Dean were well yeah I don’t want it I don’t need the nightmares.” I shrug and put the pillow behind me. “Night Sam.” “Night Cas” I wrap my arm around Dean’s waist holding him close to me hoping he will have a good night sleep.

Sam POV  
I wake up with my back hurting, damn floor. I look around the room to see Dean still fast asleep but Cas was nowhere to be seen. I get up looking at my supplies, I had the angel blade and the holy oil. I knew where he was going to be and when, I just need to surprised him. I hear movement and I turn around to see Dean getting of bed and of course he was naked. “Dear God Dean I already saw Cas naked I don’t need to see you naked.” He grab the blanket and wrap around his waist “sorry Sammy” he mutters “I am official scar for the rest of my life.” He laughs and looks at the bed “where’s Cas?” I shrug “he wasn’t here when I woke up.” He look upset by that and head towards the bathroom, I hear the sink running. Cas appear a moment later with donuts and coffee. “I brought breakfast.” He said as he place them on the table. “Thanks Cas.” I said he looks at the bed and then bathroom door. He walks up to the door and opens it Dean still had the sheet wrap around his waist, he was bushing his teeth. He spat out the tooth paste “Cas there you are where were you?” “I was getting food” he said. Dean nods “Alright let me get dress” Cas close the bathroom door and sat down on the bed. He look deep in thought about something. “is everything alright Cas.” He looks up at me “yeah everything is fine.” But I had a feeling he was lying. Dean walk out and head to the table grabbing a donut. I was happy to see him eat even if it was only one. “did you have any luck last night Sam?” “yeah I found the bar he was working at and where he lives. I plan to go there while he working set up the holy oil and trap him in holy fire.” “Are you going to take Cas?” I look over at Cas “No I need to do this by myself Dean, I thought about it and Cas needs to stay here with you.” “That’s crazy” he said. “Oh like it was crazy when you took on a bunch of demons by yourself.” He stay silent, I grab his arm “Dean please I need to do this for myself.” “no you just want to die.” “and if I do I am taking that fucker with me please Dean.” He remove his arm from my hand. “Look Dean, I am not trying to get myself kill but I feel like this is something I need to do by myself. If I don’t make it promise me you and Cas will carry on, open heaven for Kevin and then go be happy.” He stay silent for a long time and then he turn and look at me. “You got to promise me you won’t get yourself kill on purpose you will fight. I will be right here waiting for you and if you don’t come back.” He pause “I will give you a hunters funereal.” He said “I promise.” I told him not sure if I really meant it. “I need some air” he said as he head outside to the little park in the hotel parking lot. “Cas do me a favor.” “I will Sam” I look at him “I will protect Dean and make sure he doesn’t bring you back.” I smile and shook his hand. He then head outside to Dean. I sat down at the table and wrote a letter to Dean and Cas, I put a little gift inside the letter for them. It was a pair of rings I saw last night, they both sliver bands one was pure blue while the other was a dark green color. I saw them last night on my way back they were supposed to be for true love. I left it on the table and head outside. Dean had his head in his hands and I could see Cas was trying to talk to him. “I am going.” Dean look up at me “you want to take her?” I look at the impala “no I will just do what you taught me to do.” “hot wire a car” we both said with a smile. Dean stood up and hug “you better come back alive” he whisper as he pull back I could swear I saw something different in his eyes something that wasn’t him. I walk away hoping it was just the reflection on the sun.   
Dean POV  
The whole time Sam was talking, I kept hearing Lucifer in my head. “I could save him Dean, I could protect him Dean.” I try to ignore him but it felt like pressure was building inside my head. That was the real reason I had to go outside. I sat down on the bench and close my eyes. I was back in the room with Lucifer. “I can protect him Dean.” “and why you want to do that?” “Well I want you to be happy Dean.” “Oh right because I am going to be your knight” I said sarcastically. “and in order for you to protect Sam I have to release you from the cage.” He laughs “No I can protect without being out the cage, no you will release me when accept your role.” I roll my eyes “Yeah that whole accepting your role kind of shit doesn’t work with me, so guess what I am not going to be your knight and I won’t ever release you the cage.” He walks up to me and place his hand on my check “You will accept your role I know you will Dean.” “Like I said I am not going to be your knight.” I told him, he whisper in my ear “who said you were going to only be a knight” i back away from him not sure what he meant. He smiles “don’t worry Dean I can still help you even without you knowing.” With that he disappear. “Are you okay Dean?” I open my eyes to see Cas sitting down next to me. “I been protecting him since he was a baby.” “I know Dean.” “and now he doesn’t even want my help anymore, as much as I want to lock him down and hunt down Gradreel myself i can’t. I don’t want to him hate me anymore but what if I lose him.” He place his hand on top of me but I pull away still worry that someone will find out. “Dean you can’t always protect the people you love sometimes you have to let them do their own thing.” “I can try Cas.” “I know Dean but I do believe Sam needs to do this by himself and if something does happen to him, I will be right here with you.” I stay silent as much as I love being with Cas, but not have my brother in my life it is difficult, I try for a year and I barely survive. Sam walk out of the hotel room and came to say goodbye. I couldn’t stand it, we had one small laugh just like the old times and a hug. He walks away and I was about to follow him and Cas grab my arm shaking his head at me. I head back to the hotel room with Cas right behind me. I open the door to see a envelope it was address to Cas and I. I tuck in my jean pocket not wanting to read. I sat down on the bed, not looking at Cas who sat down next to me and put his arms around me. I was doing everything in my power to not break down.  
I hear a knock at the door, hoping it was Sam changing his mind I open it. It was Gradreel who put his hand up and threw me against the wall. Cas was right in front of him and punch him. “I won’t let you hurt him.” He said “I am sorry brother I have got no problem with you but Dean must die.” Gradreel Said. “I don’t think so.” Cas brought out his angel blade, ‘then you leave me no choice brother.” Cas didn’t see it but I did Gradreel was fast he brought out his angel blade and was about to stab Cas. “No” I yelled and push Cas out of the way. I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, I look down to see the blade sticking out of me. I fell down on my knees, my eyes start to blur. I hear a voice “now let’s show them what you can really do.”


	23. Chapter 23

Cas Pov   
Dean push me to the side and I don’t know why till I saw him drop to his knees the angel blade was sticking out of his stomach. “Dean” I yell. He look over at me with a small smile and fell down to the ground, his eyes closing. “No” I scream and ran right to his side I was holding him. I couldn’t feel a heartbeat. “I am sorry brother but it had to.” I glare up at Gradreel, I let Dean down gentle on the ground and stood up. My wings came out and Gradreel back away looking freighting. “You are dead. ”I scream. He came out at me about to punch I put my hand up and threw him against the wall hard. I couldn’t protect Dean but I will not Gradreel get away for this. I held him up against the wall and start punching as hard as I can. “you fucker, I am going to make sure you pay.” I hold him by the collar of his shirt, about to punch him again when he kick me I drop him and back away. “if this is the way it has to be brother so be it.” He walk up next to Dean and took the blade out of him and came out me. I had my own blade about to stop him when I hear laughter. Gradreel stop and turn around. Dean was standing up, smiling, and his eyes were blood red. I look at his stomach there was no blood just a small hole in his shirt. “You leave him the fuck alone” said Dean. “I don’t understand how can you be alive?” Gradreel said. Dean laughs and came right up to Gradreel and threw him against the wall with one hand. He pick him up by the neck “Since when do I ever die?” I heard a snap and he broke Gradreel neck, dropping him on the floor. “Dean?” I said. He looks at me with his dark red eyes, I could see no part of him left. I fear he was possessed. “Who are you and where is Dean?” I ask He laugh “oh Dean is still here don’t worry about that but I know Sam would love to be the one to kill this fucker. Since you and I both know breaking his neck won’t keep out for long.” He was right he was still angel who can come back at any minute. “Better go get him Cas or I will kill him myself.” As much as I didn’t want to leave I knew I had to go get Sam.   
Sam Pov  
I was waiting for what seem like hours at the apartment waiting for Gradreel to show up. The trap was ready, just when I was about to call quits I heard a flutter behind me. I was about to drop my lighter when I saw it was Cas. It look like he has been in a fight. “Cas is everything alright?” “Gradreel show up and Dean I think he is possessed. He was able to throw Gradreel against the wall with one hand and snap his neck.” I got worry if Dean was possessed that was no good. “let’s go.” We arrive at the hotel room Dean and Gradreel were staring each other down. I saw Dean have the first blade in his hand while Gradreel had an angel blade. “ah look who’s here I think he will take over for me won’t you Sam.” Said Dean as he pick up the angel blade off the floor and hand it to me. That is when I saw his eyes they were blood red, I couldn’t see any trace of my brother at all. I look at Gradreel knew I had to deal with him first before figuring out what was wrong with my brother. I walk up to him the blade at the ready he came out me but I don’t know if it was being too weak with his fight with Dean but he was slow to slow and I stab him in the heart. “This is for Kevin.” I told him as I twisted the blade. There was big flash and he was on the floor his wings burnt into the floor. Dean was laughing, “well now that is done shall we go hunt down Crowley.” Dean said as he was playing with the first blade. I nod to Cas who grab Dean and pin his arms behind him. The first blade drop to the floor and I held the angel blade to his throat. “Who are you and where is my brother?” He smiles “Oh don’t worry Sam I am still your brother just better.” “Get out of him now.” He shrugs “Ah well it was fun while it lasted see you later Sammy.” His eyes roll back and he fell into Cas arms who gently lower him to the ground. Cas lift up his shirt, his tattoo was still there I saw so no way a demon could posses him. I saw Cas touch his stomach. “No hole, no blood.” He said. “What?” he looks at me “Gradreel stab your brother while he was trying to save me. Sam he was dead I was sure of it.” I was taken back Dean was dead so how was he back? I hear a groan and saw Dean opening his eyes. He sits up his hand on his head. “Sammy? Cas?” he looks around the room and see Gradreel dead on the floor. “What happen?” “What do you remember?” Cas ask him “I remember Gradreel show up and he was about stab you but I push you out of the way and.” He pause thinking. “I felt the blade go right through me.” “after he stab you Dean, I thought were dead no you were dead. Then something happen you were heal, your eyes were blood red and you were strong, strong enough to snap Gradreel neck.” Cas said placing his hand on Dean’s leg. “Did I kill him?” Dean ask. ‘I did, Cas came and got me. You let me kill him. Look we saw no evidence of you being possessed but something happen Dean do you know what?” he shrugs. “then you won’t mind if Cas looks in your mind?” I saw a worry look on Dean’s face but I was hoping he would say yes. He won’t tell us what is going on but we need to find out. Cas place his hand on Dean check. “Please?” he ask. Dean nod and laid down on the bed. Cas sat down next to him placing his hand on his head entering his mind. I am hoping Cas will find something.   
Cas POV   
I feel like I have been entering Dean’s mind a lot lately but anything to help him. I was in a room it had a cream color wall and there was a king size bed with rose petals on it and dark blue sheets. There were pictures of Dean and I laughing, hugging and kissing. I felt arms wrap around my waist and Dean put his hand on my shoulder. “Do you like it?” he whisper. “Dean it’s beautiful but what are you hiding from me?” He sits down on the bed. “This could our life Cas without the monster, the angels and the demons.” He pause “but I can’t seem to ever get away from it.” I kneel down in front of him “Dean please let me help you.” He kiss me softly on the lips. “I don’t want you to leave me.” He said softly. “I won’t Dean, I promise.” He points at the door. I walk towards the door and turn the knob. I look back at him, he was laying down on the bed his back facing towards me. I walk into a dark grey circular room. There was someone in the room but all I could see was his back. “Hello” I said. The figure turn around “Hello Brother” “Lucifer” I growl. “Is that how you greet you brother after so long, I was hoping for a hug.” he said giving me a puppy dog look. “How are you here?” “it simple when Dean took the mark I was able to enter his mind, it is my mark after all.” “So you are possessing him” he laughs “no I am not I can’t do that unless he says yes. No I just talk to him and helping him tap into the power of the mark to get him ready.” “ready for what?” “why to be my second in commanded, my shining new knight, and of course release me from the cage.” “You belong there.” “Why Castiel because I stood up to father? Because I fell last time I check you disobey and now look at you with a human a great sin.” He knew how did he know? he sees the look on my face. “of course I know brother I can see in Dean’s mind don’t worry I leave you two alone when you are together.” What if he tells someone, again it is like he read my mind. “Don’t worry who I am going to tell Michael? Yeah we are not talking right now.” I push him up against the wall “I won’t let you have him, I won’t let you be release from the cage, and I will protect him.” “Like you protect him when he got stab by Gradreel, or when he try to kill himself?” I threw him against the floor. “Face it brother, I am the only one who can truly protect him” I felt a force pull me out Dean’s mind. I was back in the hotel room, Dean open his eyes and sat up. He wouldn’t even look at me. “Well Cas did you find anything?” I look at Dean who kept his eyes down, I look back at Sam who was waiting for an answer. I didn’t even know what to say.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I am so sorry it's been so long since I have updated. I had exams and projects and it was just a lot. I am back I am going to try to finish this before the end of Season 9. Sorry for any grammar or spelling mistake.

Dean POV  
I know Cas saw Lucifer, I was worry what he will tell Sam. What if he doesn’t keep to his promise and does leave me and what did him and Lucifer talk about? “Cas what did you find?” Sam ask again. I get off the bed and head towards the bathroom not wanting to see Sam reaction to when he hears Lucifer is in my head. Cas grab my hand and pull me back from the bathroom door. “It is just the mark Sam, it has a bit more power then we thought don’t but don’t worry I won’t let it control him.” He squeeze my hand tight and looks at me, I wrap my arms and just hold him. Sam clear his throat “well we should get going, back to bunker maybe we can figure out a way to open heaven.” “and hunt down Crowley so I can stab the blade through his neck.” I said as I broke apart from Cas. Cas look worry but I ignore it. “Well we should clean up before we leave so we don’t freak anyone out.” Sam said as I start to pick up the table and everything else. We couldn’t fix the walls or take Gradreel burn wings out of the carpet but it was the best we could do. Cas made Gradreel body disappear to who knows where. 

 

We got into the impala and start driving down the road. Cas was in the back seat our eyes kept meeting in the review mirror, he gives me a smile but I could see the worry in his eyes. I look at Sam, remembing when Lucifer was in his head how crazy he got. “Don’t worry Dean you are stronger then you brother I am sure you can handle me.” “Shouldn’t you be fight Michael or something?” “He is not talking to me right now just in his own little corner of the cage.” I stay silent trying to ignore him. “well fine be that way but I will be back” he said in a singing voice. I hear Sam laugh “what so funny Sam?” “Once one thing is over with, there is something else. We are never going to get out of this life till we actually die.” I look at Cas in the reviewer mirror our eyes met. “yeah I guess you right Sam.” “if only I was able to close the gates of hell at least that is one problem we wouldn’t have to worry about.” “Let me guess since I save you it’s all my fault right?” I ask him not even looking at him. “Dean I know you were trying to save me.” “Still my fault and you know it is my fault the angels fell too because I left Cas alone.” “I don’t blame you Dean.” Cas said. I clench the steering wheel tight, I feel a lot of rage build up in me. I pull over and got out of the car. “Dean” Sam yell but I walk away from him. I head in the forest and just punch a tree, I was able to make a hole. “aww look at how strong you are.” “I thought you were gone.” “oh I am not ever truly gone Dean but if it makes you feel any better I leave when you are fucking my brother.” “So you know” he laughs “Of course you know and you know what I can make him a knight too. We can all be in hell together and you two can be happy while I rule the world or I could just have you all to myself.” “Get the fuck out of my head.” I scream out loud. I felt a hand on my shoulders and I turn around to see Cas he puts his arms around and whisper in my ear. “leave him the fuck alone.” I smile as Cas gives me a deep kiss. Here we are standing the middle of nowhere and we are kissing. I hear silence no word from Lucifer, I just want to stay like this forever with Cas. We broke apart “I won’t let him take you Dean.” “thanks Cas” I told him giving him a soft kiss and we head back to the car. Sam was waiting outside the door, I went up and hug him. “Dean you okay?” “Yeah Sammy why don’t you drive.” I said giving him the keys. Cas got into the back seat as did. I put my head on his lap not really caring if someone saw.


	25. Chapter 25

Sam Pov  
I wasn’t trying blame Dean, I was saying the truth but it made him mad. When he got of the car I went to follow him but Cas held me back. “Let me” he said and follow Dean. I hear Dean scream but I couldn’t make out the words. I was about to run over there when is aw them walking back up. I had a feeling they were both not telling me something but when Dean hug me and told me to drive I decide not to push it. I look in the back seat through the review mirror Dean was fast asleep on Cas lap. Cas hand on his chest looking on the window. “Hey Cas?” “Yes Sam” “What are you two not telling me?” Cas look down at Dean, I could tell him he was debating whether or not to tell me. “Please Cas.” He signs and ran his hand over Dean’s forehead. “It’s Lucifer Sam he’s in Dean head because of the mark.” I stay silent fuming that the kept this from me. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because I didn’t want you to worry.” Dean said as he sat up. I pull the car over. “Cas can you give Dean and I a minute.” Cas look at Dean who nod and he disappear. I got out of the car slamming the door, I walk to the hood and just sat down. Dean sat down next to me. “Look Sam, I wasn’t trying to keep a secret I just didn’t want you to worry.” “keeping this from me does make me worry Dean. This is why I can’t trust you. You don’t think you can tell me things but you can tell Cas.” “I didn’t tell Cas he found out when he enter my head.” Dean said. “why would you keep something like this from us?” “Because Sam i was afraid that Cas would leave because I had the devil inside of me and you would be afraid of me. He wants me to be his new knight of hell, and he wants me to release him from the cage. He wants me to tap the power of the mark and as much as I say no. That power it feels great Sammy and I enjoy it.” I pat him on the shoulder “I am not going to let you go down that path Dean, you didn’t let me now I won’t let you.” He smiles and I head back into the car as he sits in the front seat. “Cas you can come back now.” I said but he didn’t appear. 

Dean look worry “he might just met us at the bunker we are close.” He nods but I could see that it didn’t calm him down. We arrive at the bunker a few hours later Cas never show up. Dean stay silent the whole trip when we arrive we saw Cas staying outside. I got out “Didn’t you hear us calling you?” I said as Dean walk right past Cas and head into the bunker. “I am sorry Sam I didn’t, I went to a park and just kind of turn everything off for a while.” “why?” “to think.” He said as he head inside. I follow him when got in Dean was standing still. “Dean is everything okay?” Cas ask as he light touch his arm. “He is gone Cas once I cross over the door hedge I felt him leave my mind.” “Lucifer?” I ask. “Yeah.” And he walks down the stairs. Cas look above the door hedge and smile. “What?” “The men of letters did know their stuff, it is sigil enochian that cast out anyone who being posse or has other presence in their mind.” “Well what happens when he leaves the safety of the bunker?” I ask him. He shrugs “I guess we will see when the time comes.” He hands down the stairs.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes

Cas POV  
Dean wouldn’t look at me I knew he was mad that I didn’t come back but I need some time to think. How can I protect Dean from Lucifer when I couldn’t protect him from himself or Gradreel. I watch Dean as he hand towards his room not saying a word. “well I am going to get some rest.” Sam said as he walk away I was left alone. I decide to do some reading and sat down. A hour later I hear someone come out it was Dean. He had a bottle of Jack in his hand and sat down next to me. “Why didn’t you come back?” “I am sorry Dean, I had to think about something’s and I just turn everything off.” ‘apology accept.” He says with a smile and takes other drink. “Why are you drinking Dean?” “I am celebrated Cas, Lucifer is out of my head. Sam stop by room and told me how it happen. I am just worry about when I leave will he come back.” “If he does I will be there right with you.” He smiles and gets up kiss me on the top of the head. “want to join me?” he ask. I close my book and head to his bedroom with him. He strips down to his boxers and looks at me. “you are not coming in this bed with all your clothes on.” I strip down to my boxers as he crawls into bed. I crawl in next to him putting my arm around him. I kiss softly on the check. “not much room on this bed Dean.” “we will get a bigger bed” he mutters and falls asleep. He seems to sleep better when i am with him. I notice he hasn’t been eating much I wonder what was causing that. I still couldn’t believe six years ago I was sent on a mission to save him from Hell and now here are. Through the pain and the broken trust we manage to get here. I love him and I would do anything to protect him even if it means dying. In truth I just need to get away from Sam and Dean to be by myself so I could think. Yeah I could think while they were both asleep but I always think better when I am at park. Dean woke up in four hours later. He sits up rubbing the sleep from his eyes and looks at me. “morning” he mutters as I got off the bed. “Morning” I said. “You stay the whole time?” “Of course Dean I want to make sure you got your sleep.” He gets off the bed and gives me a very long deep kiss. His arms wrap around my waist and wrap my arms around his shoulder. A good way to start the day. “it was a good sleep” he said as he heads to the bathroom. I got dress “I will meet you out in the kitchen Dean.” I yell “okay” he yell back. I head to the kitchen to see Sam already there drinking Coffee. “Hey Sam.” He nods at me not fully awake. I pull out a bag of bread and peanut butter and jelly. “What are you doing?” he ask “making a sandwich for Dean.” Thinking if I make it he might actually eat something. “you want one?” I ask “not exactly a breakfast item Cas.” I shrug not really caring. Dean walk into the kitchen his hand was wrap up in a bandage it wasn’t there when he woke up. 

Dean POV  
It was a goodnight no nightmares, no Lucifer I felt at peace. Only with Cas do I feel at peace but when he is not around I feel the rage build up inside of me. Even with Lucifer gone, I could feel the mark burning, and all the angry I have comes rush back at me. I hear a crack and look up to see I hit the mirror with my fist. I pull back noticing the blood dripping down my hand and the hole in the mirror. I quickly cover the mirror with a towel hoping no one would notice and bandage up my hand. I know Cas will notice but maybe I can get away with a lie. I walk into the kitchen where Sam was drinking Coffee and Cas was making a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I sat down and Cas put the peanut butter sandwich in front of me. “Eat” he says. I took a bite and sallow but it tasted like dry sand paper. Cas grab my hand and unwrap the bandages. “what happen Dean this wasn’t there this morning.” “I thought it was from me hitting the tree last night.” “You hit a tree?” Sam ask I nod at him. He look surprised and mad. “this is too fresh Dean is not from the tree.” Cas said. He places his hand over my hand and heals it. I pull it away from him “thanks Cas. So Gradreel is gone, Abaddon is gone now we need to figure out how to get the angels back in heaven and kill Crowley.” I said. “In order to figure out how to open heaven back up we need to know what spell Metatron use any ideas Cas?” Sam ask. Cas turn away from me, I could see the look of hurt on his face since I change the subject. “he needed my grace, I don’t know why my grace that is all I know.” “Alright lets go do some research.” I grab the Peanut butter and Jelly sandwich and head out to the library. I try to take other bite to make Cas happy but I end up spiting it out. I threw the rest away. 

Cas and Sam follow me in the library I could see Cas eyes drift towards the trash can and then back at me. I didn’t even look at him just grab a book and start to read. He walks away I could tell he was mad. “What’s wrong with him?” I ask Sam. He looks back at me with a glare. “Jeez I don’t know Dean maybe it’s because you won’t talk to him, you hurt hand but you won’t tell me or him how. You are not eating, he was very happy making that for you Dean and you just throw it away.” “I am not hungry” “You haven’t eaten in how long Dean?” I stay silent honestly I couldn’t remember. “You need to talk to us Dean, I know there something wrong other than Lucifer being in your head.” “There is nothing else Sam.” “Bullshit” Cas said as he enters the room and sits down in front of me. “I saw the mirror Dean, I saw the blood. What is going on?” I didn’t want to tell them about the rage I felt. I didn’t want them to know I was scare that I couldn’t control it. I don’t want them to be afraid of me. “It’s the mark, right Dean you took it without thinking of the consequences. Cas do you know anyway Cain can take back the mark?” Sam ask “It wouldn’t work if there was.” I mutter. Sam gives me a questionable look. “I already kill him.” Cas got mad “Damnit Dean when?” “Before I did the angel tracking spell.” Cas shook his head “How could you Dean?” I look between Sam and Cas and decide I didn’t need this. I grab my coat and head to the front door. “Dean” Sam yelled I look back at him Cas was at the table staring at the spot where I was his hands in a fist. “I am sorry Sam.” I said as I head outside. I got into the impala and start to drive. “Hello Dean” son of bitch.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes

Sam Pov  
Dean left and I could tell Cas was mad when he threw the books of the table. “Cas calm down.” “Sam do you not realized what he did by killing Cain.” I shook my head “By killing Cain the mark is his. He is now the father of murder. He can go on a killing spree at any minute.” “Dean can fight it.” “You really think so Sam?” “I have known my brother a lot longer you then Cas, he will fight it.” But I don’t even know if I believe that myself. Cas start to head towards the front door. I grab his arm “Give Dean sometime Cas.” “and if Lucifer comes back into his head?” he ask. “Look let’s just give him sometime maybe he will come back and actually talk to us. I say an hour at most if he not back then Lucifer did come back and something is wrong.” Cas look at the door then back at me. “fine Sam” and he heads back towards the library. I look down at the floor, I was worry about Lucifer but I knew if Cas show up in the car with Dean it could make things worse and he won’t talk to us at all. I am just hoping the spell on the door will protect him even outside the bunker. I sit down at the table picking up a book as Cas keeps glancing at the door. This was going to be a long hour. 

 

Dean POV  
“Hello Dean” son of bitch. “What happen Dean I was thrown from your mind?” I stay silent. “I know of something that can do that an old Enochain symbol that can cast anything out a person mind if it is not their own. So you enter a place that has this symbol but I can’t seem to see this place in your head. I guess the spell blocks that too.” “What do you want Lucifer?” “Why to talk Dean about you becoming my knight aka my second in commanded.” “you never said anything about me being your second in commanded.” “I didn’t? oh the right I told your lover, I guess he didn’t tell you.” I didn’t answer him Cas didn’t tell me but he probably thought that I already knew. “Yeah keep telling yourself that Dean. Anyways to be my knight see you already kill Cain so you already the new father of murder.” ‘I am what” “well yeah once one dies a new one takes his place. Don’t worry Dean soon you will be killing more than one person at a time. Which is good because a lot of blood needs to spill to get my out of the cage.” “I will never do that.” “You forget Dean I could see in your mind , you feel like you can’t control this anymore, you are falling deeper and deeper into the darkness and no one can save you.” “Cas and Sam won’t let me.” “so you say but in order for that to happen they will have to kill you Dean and I am sorry I am not going to let you die so easily. I didn’t when Gradreel stab you.” “So you did brought me back” “Well kind of yeah it took a lot of power and I am kind of weak from fighting with Michael but I manage to pull off well a miracle I am an angel after all.” 

 

I pull into a liquor store parking lot. “Do you really think alcohol will silence me Dean?” “It’s worth a try.” I brought a big bottle of jack and head out on the road again pull over in a little field. “Dean, you can try to fight all you want but you will be mine and you will kill everyone you love.”. I was sitting behind the impala on the grass just drinking before I knew it the whole bottle was empty. I didn’t hear Lucifer it was quite. The only other time I felt this at peace was in Castiel arms but he wasn’t here now and I can’t always relay on him. I take out my knife staring at the blade pressing it against my skin. I just need the relief. If Sam and Cas will have to kill me so I don’t go dark maybe I should do it myself before it gets worst. I was about to cut when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look up to see Cas, he grabs my hand with the knife and drops it to the ground. He then kneels in front of me. I don’t even look at him, he puts his hand on my face and makes me face him. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes but I try to blink them away. “Dean please let us help you.” He helps me into the impala and he starts to drive back to the bunker. “Like I said Dean I will always find away to bring you back even if you take your own life.” Lucifer said. I grab Cas hand and squeeze just trying to ignore him. Cas looks over to me worry but I don’t say anything. I fell asleep hoping to get to the bunker soon.


	28. Chapter 28

Cas POV  
I look over to Dean who was pass out drunk. I been worry for an hour waiting for him to come back. Sam kept telling me to stay calm but I was worry what if something happens, what if Lucifer takes over and I wasn’t there to protect him. When the hour past I left Sam without saying a word. To find Dean with the blade in his hand about to cut again, I couldn’t believe it. I was hoping we were past it but it looks like Dean is still having problems and he won’t let me or Sam help. I hold on to the wheel tight. How can I protect him when he won’t tell me what is going on with him? Why does he have to hide everything from me? The only time I have seen Dean in a good mood is when he is with me. I don’t mind being with him for the rest of his life but would he want me for the rest of his? 

We get to the bunker and I carry Dean in. When we pass the door hinge, he slowly open his eyes and look around wildly. I put him on his feet but he was having trouble standing up. “Dean” I look up to Sam walking towards us he grab Dean and wrap him in a hug. “Are you okay?” Dean nod and pat Sam on the back. “I am fine Sammy” “Your drunk Dean.” “You got that right” and Dean started to walk towards his room but almost fell. I grab him “I will take you to your room.” “I like that idea.” He said with a grin and wink at me. I put him on the bed and took of his boots. “What if you can’t save me Cas?” I look up at him and place my hand on his check. “Dean I will do anything to protect you, I won’t let you become a knight of hell.” He nods but didn’t look satisfy. I kiss him softly on the lips and help him lay down on the bed. I start to walk away when he grab my arm “where are you going?” “I am going to help Sam but don’t worry if you need me I will be in the next room.” He withdrew his hand and turn his back on me. I turn off the lights and close the door. I look up holding the tears back. It is times like this I would ask for my father’s help, for advice, to protect Dean but he was gone and being with a human is a sin. Who was I supposed to pray to now?

 

Sam POV  
I knew it was going to be a long hour and when Cas left without saying a word I was mad because I want to come with him to make sure Dean was alright. When Cas carry Dean in I knew everything wasn’t alright. When I hug him I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was drunk and he didn’t care. I watch Cas take him back to his room, I went to go sit back down. There was a bottle of rum in the cabinet I took it out and pour a drink. Cas came back a few minutes later and sat down. I could tell he was holding back tears. “Cas what happen?” “I don’t know he just drank a whole bottle of jack and he was about to cut again.” I rub my eyes not sure what to do anymore and took a drink. “He won’t talk to us Sam.” “it is just how he is Cas.” “But we are his family, he knows he can talk to us.” I pat Cas on back “he knows Cas but he doesn’t want us to worry or burden us. You got to understand it was always his job to look out for me when were little even if something was going on with him he would put to the side. He just use to that.” Cas nod and grab a book. I pick up the book I was reading and for about an hour there was silence the whole time. 

 

I finally got up and decided to go check on Dean. Cas didn’t even seem to realize I got up. I open the door to his room to see him sitting on the bed looking at a picture. I sat down next to him and glance at the picture. It was photo of our family. Mom, Dad, Me, and him. “You know this was taking a couple days after you were born I forgot I had it. I was so happy our family was complete and I was a big brother.” “you still are a big brother.” “I haven’t been a good one lately.” He says “Dean you make me mad and you betray my trust but I start to think about what Bobby would have said suck it up, family is supposed to make your life hard.” Dean start to chuckle “Yeah he would have hits us both upside our head by now.” I laugh “yeah and call us idijts.” We both laugh. “Yeah man he would of.” He spoke softly “Speaking of being an idijt Dean why won’t you talk to Cas or I. We are trying to help you.” He gets up and puts the picture on his desk and leans against it. “I have problems I know Sam, but I don’t want to put more burden on us with my problems. Let just focus on getting heaven back open for Kevin and all those other souls. So they could finally be at peace.” “Dean” I start to say when Cas appear at the door with a book in his hand. “I think I found something.” He said and walk away. Dean and I follow him out to the library. He put the book down and it was in enchoian. “It says something about unlocking the gates of heaven, if they were shut down. I don’t even know where the men of letters got this book but it is a very good book. It says to open the gates of heaven back up the one who close the gates of heaven must be sacrifice on a stone table made from God hands.” “What does it mean by God’s hands?” I ask him “When sacrificing was big thing in the early ages of men my father had these stone tables where the sacrificing happen. It needs to happen on one those table during a blood moon by the one who grace was stole from them to close the gate” “When is the next blood moon?” Dean ask “About a month from now.” I told him remember reading it on the internet. “Well where is this stone table?” Dean ask “there was a few them but I don’t remember them where they all were.” “Well lets do some research” I said and pull out more books. Dean roll his eyes but sat down and start to read “great more research.” He mutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay when I wrote this is was the night of the blood moon so that is why I pick that


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex Scene

Dean POV  
I was reading over Cas shoulder while he was reading the spell. I realized I could read it and I think it was because of Lucifer. I read something else that Cas didn’t read. A sacrifice needs to be made on the table of one who close heaven by the person whose grace was stole from to close the gates or a human who has been with a holy being kill by the hand of that holy being. Cas was both in this situation. He didn’t tell Sam and when he sat down to read he wouldn’t even look at me. Sam start to yawn “why don’t you get some sleep Sam, Cas and I got this.” He nod and head to his room. I put the book down and look at him. “So when are you going to tell me?” “tell you what Dean?” “Cas I could read the spell, probably because of Lucifer the point is I know there is other person you can sacrifice.” Cas stay silent and look away from me. “Cas?” “I won’t do Dean, I won’t kill you.” I got up and stood in front of him he looks up at me. “Cas I am just saying if we can’t get Metaton, I mean we don’t even know where he is. Then maybe it should be me. You know it would stop me from opening the cage letting Lucifer out.” Cas stood up and walk away from I grab his arms and turn him around. I saw tears fall down his face and wipe them away with my thumb. “I won’t do it Dean please don’t ask me. We will find Metaton, we will open up heaven without me losing you.” I grab his hand and look into his eyes they were red from crying. “I love you too much Dean I should not have sacrifice our happiness so that heaven can open up.” “Cas you and I both know we are not meant for happiness.” “Well I been pretty happy with you lately.” He mutters. When he said that I realized he was right, I have been happy with him even with all the problems I am having. I love wake up with him, I love when he by my side, I love when he kiss me and holds me. I push him against the wall and kiss him softly. “We will find other way Cas if not with Metatron, we will find something else Cas because I am very happy with you and deeply in love with Castiel.” He kiss me back forcing his tongue into my mouth. I slide my hand up his shirt rubbing my thumb over his nipple. He push me away “Dean what about what happen earlier today?” I walk back up to him and kiss his forehead. “Later I promise I will tell you everything.” And I meant it. 

He smiles and wraps his arms around me as I wrap my arms around his shoulder. His lips touch mine and I was drawn into the kiss. I took off his coat and his tie. He push me against the table and I lay down on it while he crawls of top of. He was straddling me, he takes off my shirt and I lean up kissing him, he pushes me into the table. I unbutton his shirt and he finishes taking it off. He throws to the side I let my hands explore his body feel every inch of him. I feel his hand trail down my side as our tongues play with each other. He breaks the kiss, put his lips on my neck, my chest and licks my nipple. He then kiss above my waist pants and stands up taking off his pants and his boxers. I sat up on my arms watching him strip for me. Once he was done I got on my knees and kiss the tip of his cock. I start rubbing it gently and then I put my whole mouth around him. Sucking him hard, his hand was on the back on my head as I start pulling him in and out. “Dean” he moans. “I am going to cum” I pull him out and stood up in front of him. Kiss him gently on the lips “Not till you are inside of me” I whisper. He smiles and starts take off my pants and boxers. Once he was done he bend me over the table. I felt him slowly enter me then he starts to go hard and fast pulling in and out of me. His hands were on my hips as I hold on to the side of the table as he pulls and enters me deep and hard. “Castiel.” I scream as he cums deep in me. He pulls out and turns me over helping me up. I could barely feel my legs. He grabs a chair and help me sits down. “I am not done with you” he says with a smile and gets on his knees wrapping his mouth around my cock. He starts sucking hard and then he pulls out only sucking on the tip. “Cas” I gasp as he sucks harder. “Cas I am going to cum.” “you can’t not till I say so.” He says and once again puts me in his mouth. His head going up and down on me. I clench the chair I was so close he takes his mouth away from me and gets on all fours in front of me. I kneel behind him entering him hard and fast. I start pull in and out of him hard and fast. I had one hand on his hip while I reach to his front and start rubbing his cock. “Dean please.” “please what Cas?” I whisper in his ear. “Harder” I smile and go deep into him hard and fast. I rub his cock harder and faster. He arch back his nails digging into the floor. “Dean” he screams as he cums in my hand. I pull out, grabbing both his hips and thrust deep inside of him cumming. I pull out and sit down on the floor breathing heavily. He crawls on top of me and places his hands on my shoulder where the outline of his hand was still there. I look into his blue eyes and kiss him softly. “I guess I was always yours.” I whisper and he smile push me on the floor and kissing me deeply. I wrap my arms around his waist press our bodies together. He broke apart the kiss “you own me some answer Dean.” I nod “then lets head back to the room.” He gets off me and holds out his hand I grab it and he pulls me up. He holds my hand as we walk to the room our clothes lay forgotten in the library.


	30. Chapter 30

Cas POV  
We enter Dean’s room and he crawls under the blankets and I crawl in next to him. I place my arm around his shoulder as he put his head on my chest. “I keep feeling rage Cas even when Lucifer is not there. I feel rage built up inside me and I can’t control it.” i rub his shoulder letting him speak. “When I was out today, Lucifer said he will have me and I will kill everyone I love. In truth Cas it does scare me because what if he does get me? What if I can’t control this rage? What if I hurt you or Sam?” he looks up at me. “Dean I already told you I will protect you no matter what and it won’t be me killing you.” He nods and places his hand on my chest and kiss me softly of the lips. He curls up next to me, I kiss the top of his head. “Night Cas” he whisper “night Dean.” I told him. About an hour later he was fast asleep. I remove myself from him he didn’t wake up. I went outside the bunker and disappear. I reappear at a stone table. I lie I knew where it was but I didn’t want to tell Sam or Dean this should be my job not theirs. I didn’t want them to get hurt. I touch the table, this is where he will die, in the holy city well one of the holy cities in America. I won’t let anything happen to Dean even if means opening up heaven gates. I had to protect Dean and his brother the only way I knew how by not telling them the truth. I felt bad about since Dean just told me everything but I couldn’t let them put their lives at risk not again. I head back to the bunker, I don’t know how long I was gone but hopefully not long enough for Dean to notice. I walk into the bunker and that is when I hear the screams. 

SAM POV  
I woke up feeling well rested. I head out to the library to see if Dean and Cas were still up. I walk into a mess, there were clothes and books everywhere. I saw some nail marks in the floor. I roll my eyes I knew exactly what this meant and they couldn’t take in to the room. I grab a book that look interesting and sat as far as I could away from the table, who knows what they did on it. While I am happy for Dean and Cas I wish they could hid better especially when I happen to be down the hall. I am surprised I didn’t hear them. The title of the book was the real truth behind Cain and Abel. Other book the Men of Letters secretly got somehow. “In the end Cain was doing everything he could to protect his brother, Abel was actually worshipping Lucifer and to save his soul Cain murder him. But is there more to the story?” I was about to turn the page when I hear blood chilling screams. I ran to Dean’s and open it to see Dean thrashing in his bed. I rush him holding him down “Dean!!!” I yell but he push me off him so hard that I flew into the wall. Next thing I know Cas was right by his side “Dean wake up” he yell. Dean sat up with his eyes open he look between Cas and I. “Sam? What happen?” I push myself up “You were having a nightmare and I was trying to wake you and you threw me against the wall.” “Did I hurt you?” I shook my head and he was about to say something else when he put his hand over his mouth and ran to his bathroom closing the door. I hear him throwing up, I look over at Cas concern for my big brother. He look upset “What’s wrong Cas?” “I shouldn’t have left him” he says softly “Where did you go?” He didn’t say anything “whatever” I said as I knock on the door. “Dean are you okay?” he opens the door with a towel wrap around his waist. “do you want to talk about it?” I ask him. “I don’t remember.” He says “bullshit.” He shuts the door on my face, I got mad and slam on the door “Damn it Dean.” Cas push me aside “Dean please let me in.” I hear the shower turn on but Dean didn’t open the door. Cas put his head up against the door “please Dean.” Still no answer. 

I head out of his room towards the kitchen Cas follow me. I threw cups off the table in rage. “Sam calm down.” “Don’t tell me to calm down Cas like you ever calm down when something was wrong with Dean and he won’t tell us what.” “he talk to me last night.” He whisper “Of course he did, yeah right after you fuck him.” I said this out anger I didn’t really mean it but I was so mad he won’t talk to me but he talk to Cas. I get their lovers now but I am still his brother he can’t just push me to the side. Next thing I know Cas push me up against the wall his arm on my throat. I could see the anger in his eyes. “Unlike you I have always been there for Dean, always protecting him, it not just because we are in love no it is because he trust me. You two might have made up but I know you still don’t trust him so how is he supposed to trust you.” “put him down Cas.” Dean was standing in the door way, well barely standing he was holding on to the wall for support. Cas drop me down. I rub my throat and went over to Dean. “are you okay?” he looks up at me I could smell the alcohol on his breath. He was far from okay. He stumbled over to a chair and sat down. He was about to fall out when I grab him. “whoa Dean how much have you had?” I ask him he looks at me and holds up the number two. How he drank two bottle over that short time I don’t know how but he was in bad shape. Cas seat next to him and look at him. “Dean you can talk to me.” I gave Cas a dirty look but he ignore me. Dean look up at him “you left and you almost hurt Sam.” He said angrily. “I know Dean I am sorry I had to go do something.” “what?” he ask. Cas sign “it’s not that important.” Dean turn away from him and got up. I hold onto him making sure he didn’t fall. He looks back at Cas. “I told you everything and you can’t even tell me where you were.” He said and walk out of the kitchen. “and you say I am the one he can’t trust.” I told him. I follow Dean to make sure he doesn’t fall he kept fall against the wall. I put his arm my shoulder and help him to his room. “thanks Sammy I know I can always lean on you.” He said with a smile. “Then why won’t you talk to me Dean.” “it was nothing I can’t handle” “yeah I can see that Dean.” I put on his bed and he lays down. “Dean when you want to talk I am right here.” I told him and close the door. I head to my room and sat down on my bed letting the tears flow down my face.


	31. Chapter 31

Dean Pov  
After Cas left I got up and start to pack my bag. I look in the mirror and saw flashes of red. I thought the nightmares of hell were long gone but they were still there deep inside of me. I could still hear the screams of the souls I slice and dice. I can still smell the burnet flesh and even in my dream I was enjoying it and that’s what scares me. I grab my bag, opening the door slowly I look around there was no sign of Sam or Cas. I head out the back way of the bunker and got into the car, driving away. “I been waiting for you Dean.” “We need to talk Lucifer.” “oh about what Dean?” “Look do you know anything about a spell that can cause the angels to fall and close the gates of heaven and how we can open it back up.” “Wait heaven close and the angels fell?” “You didn’t know I thought you could see in my head.” “I don’t see everything Dean and no I didn’t know I been stuck in a cage for quite a long time. Who did this?” “Metatron” I told him. “I have always dislike that guy stupid paper pusher and father chose him to take down the word.” “yeah yeah you have daddy issues I get it. All I need to know is do you know a way to open the gates back up.” “Maybe I do maybe I don’t what is in in for me?” “nothing” “aww come Dean if I am going to help you there must be something in it for me. I tell you what I will give you information and you will become my knight without fighting me every step of the way.” I bite bottom of my lip. “I am waiting Dean.” “The answer is no Lucifer beside you might just tell me what I already know.” “Well what do you know?” I told him about the stone table and how Cas would have to kill Metaton or me. “Damn I thought I can get you by telling you new information but maybe a certain brother of mine will have some information.” I felt him leave my mind and there was silence. I can’t believe I was asking for Lucifer help but I told Cas I would find another way.   
I knew it would be hard to trap Metatron to even kill him and Cas won’t kill me. There had to be another way. I hear my cell phone ring I ignore it. I didn’t need Sam or Cas right now I had to figure this out on my own. I took out my hex bag it was supposed keep angels from tracking you guess it didn’t work if the angel is already in my head. “Okay well he is not talking but I will get him to talk Dean I swear it. Like I said I need something in return.” “Why do you want me as your knight or your second in command?” I ask him. “Dean I saw you in hell the way you torture those souls, you enjoy it and you were strong. I think you would be a perfect second in command.” “So what I become your second in command, I release you from the pit. I convince Sam to let you posse him and we can rule hell and earth together.” He laughs “I don’t need your brother anymore for a vessel. I can just use my second in command.” “I thought Sam was your only vessel.” “eh not true. Wait you don’t know?” “Know what?” “wow you are slow why do you think Gradreel could posse your brother? Why do you think Castiel could posse you?” I stay silent and I start to realize something. “and there goes the light bulb.” Lucifer said “Sam and I could be posse by any angel” “as long as you say yes Dean you can.” “and Cas knows about this?” “Why do you think he posse you?” I clench my fist, Cas was so mad about me keeping secrets from him but yet here he is keeping secrets from me. “The answer is still no Lucifer.” “Then I won’t help you.” “fine” I said “fine” he said and felt him leave my mind once again. I pull over and got on the car. Sitting down I unscrew other whiskey bottle taking a drink. I look down at my mark it was burning again and the only way I get relief is from the blade. I need to find it, I wonder where Sam put it. I start to feel dizzy and pain in my head. The mark was burning hotter and hotter. I grab my head and I saw a flash of Sam putting the first blade in his bag and where his bag was at the bunker. Great now I am having vision. The pain went away and I was able to see again. My phone was ringing it was Sam. “Hello” “Dean where the hell are you? Cas is throwing a fit and he can’t find you. Something is blocking him. You been gone for almost a whole day.” I look up at the sky realizing the sun was about to set. “I am on my way back Sam tell Cas not to worry.” I start driving back. “Are you going to tell them?” “why hello Lucifer I thought I hurt your feelings.” He didn’t say anything. “Are you going to tell them?” “Tell them what?” “that you left to talk to me.” “No Cas is keeping secrets from me excepting to trust him why should I tell him anything.” But I knew that was a lie Cas did tell me a lot of things even if he did want to keep it a secret, I still couldn’t tell him about Lucifer. I told Cas I would find other way and if this was the way to do it. I won’t tell him or Sam.

I think about last night the wonderful time Cas and I with each other. When I am with him the outside world doesn’t matter to me. When he is bury deep inside of me I feel wonderful like nothing could come between us, his hands running over my body feeling every inch of me. It is the greatest feeling in the world I got admit is better than having the first blade in my hand. The mark starts to burn again, as hard as I try I can’t keep away from the blade. I need to sneak from Sam when I get the chance. I am worry that soon Cas won’t be enough for me anymore and I will be lost in the darkness. I got back to bunker when the sky turn dark. The moment I walk in I was almost tackle by Cas. His arms wrap around me the first blade disappear from my mind. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss him softly. “Where did you go?” he ask “I just had to clear my mind.” “I thought you were too drunk to drive.” Sam said as he walks up beside me. I unwrap my arms from Cas waist and put my hand on Sam shoulder. “I guess not the drunk.” I said laughing. Sam smile but still gave me a concern look. “Did Lucifer come back?” Sam ask me. I look between him and Cas who was holding my hand. “No, guess the dude is busy or something.” I didn’t look at Sam and let go of Cas hand as I head into the library. “Did you two get any research done?” I notice a lamp was on the floor broken I raise my eyebrow at Cas. “I got mad” he said. “Well while Cas was breaking lamps, I was reading.” He pick up a book “This book explain what really happen with Cain how he took the mark to protect his brother but soon after he did, he went on a murder spree killing even his own brother. Hence the father of murder.” “Does it say anything about anyone else receiving the mark?” “Dean as far as I can tell you’re the first person ever since he did to take the mark.” “Well on the bright note I think I will go lay down” I said as I start heading towards my room. Cas was right beside me. 

I take off my boots and flop down on the bed, my face hidden in my pillow. “Dean?” “yeah Cas?” I look up at him he was standing by my bed. “will you tell me what your nightmare was about?” I turn my head away from him. “Please Dean” I felt him sit on the bed his hand rubbing my back. “it was nothing I can’t handle Cas I am fine.” “Why don’t you trust me?” I sat up and sit down next to him. “Your one to talk Cas when we’re going to tell me Sam and I could be posse by any angel?” he look down at his hands “I just forgot to tell you that all I didn’t think it was important.” ‘It kind of is Cas.” “I am sorry Dean.” I rub my hand over my face and place my hand on his knee. I couldn’t stay mad at him. “it’s okay Cas, I understand.” He looks up with a questionable look. “How did you find out?” “I just kind of figure it out with Gradreel posse Sam and you me.” He nods accepting the answer. “So the nightmare.” He ask. I look down at the floor “it was hell Cas, just my time in hell.” He got up and stood in front of me. He put his finger under my chin and lift my head up. “why didn’t you want to tell me?” “because I was afraid that it was sign I am getting worst and you would look at me differently.” “Dean I rose you out of hell, I know what happen down there you don’t have to hide.” He kiss me softly of the lips and crawl on top of me pushing me into the bed I wrap my arms around his waist. “I will never look at you differently Dean, no matter what.”


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some fluffy in this one

Cas POV  
“I know Cas but what if it does get worst, what if you can’t save me? What if I hurt Sam or you?” I kiss him again “I won’t let that happen Dean. Neither will Sam.” “yeah but how long will that last before Sam decides it’s too much and leaves again or you go leave because you have some battle to fight? It happen once before Cas who says it won’t happen again.” I stare at his green eyes they were getting red because he was crying. I got off him and he stood up walking over to his dresser picking up a picture of John and Mary. “Dean?” “There will always be something in our way Cas.” I walk behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist putting my chin on his shoulder. “Dean look in the mirror.” He did. “This is us now we are with each other, I won’t leave you and I am sure Sam won’t leave you. We have some problems but what I can tell from TV is that every relationship has it problems.” He smiles “Dean we can’t keeping focusing on the future let’s look at the here and now. I have you and I don’t plan to let you go.” I turn him around to face me. I place my hand on his check wiping his tears and kiss him deeply. He kiss back, his hand on the back of my neck. I pick him up and set him on the dresser. His legs wrap around my legs I was leaning into him deeping the kiss. There was a knock at the door. “Damnit Sam.” Dean said as he untangles his legs from mine and jump off the dresser. Sam was in the door way, I really want to shut it on his face. “we got problems.” He said. 

Sam POV  
When Dean and Cas left I turn on the police scanner, just hoping for a good old fashion hunt. I think it would do us all some good. “We have a possible 380 out here in Hutchinson” ‘what’s going on Officer Jenny?” “Oh god their just slaughter everyone send back up send everyone. Their eyes their black, black eyes.” The scanner went dead. I rush to Dean’s room and knock on the door. He opens it and Cas was giving me the death glare. “we got problems” I told them and they follow me to the library. “We need to get to Hutchinson, demons are slaughter people.” “why?” Dean ask “who knows dude we just need to go and fast. Cas can you transport us?” he nods. Dean and I grab everything we needed and met Cas back in the library. I grab his arm while Dean wrap his arm around his waist. We arrive in the middle of parking lot with bodies all around us, there was blood everywhere. I look over to see Dean unwrap his arm from around Cas waist and open his bag pulling out the first blade. It wasn’t his bag it was mine. He look at me with a smile “Sorry Sammy but we need it.” That is when i saw his eyes they were dark red and the mark look like it was burning. Just then a demon ran up behind him. He turn around and chop off its head. Demons were all around us attacking. I had the demon knife and was stabbing as many as I can. Cas was using the angel blade, I saw a flash of red. I look up to see Dean with his hand on a demon’s head and there was other flash of red. The demon fell to the ground dead. I was fighting demons but I could still see Dean. He was slicing one head after another with the blade and with his other hand he place on a demon forehead and there was red light again. He look back at me and all I could see was his dark red eyes burning with rage. “Dean” I whisper. 

He look away from me and move fast. He was throwing demons into the ground, more flash of red. I look over to Cas to see a demon coming up behind him. “Cas look out!!” Cas turn and the demon threw him into a car. I ran over to him but Dean got there before me. He stood in front of the demon with a smirk and he punch him. The demon flew into the air and landed on a car that was park 10 feet away. Dean walk over to him and took the blade stabbing the demon right in the heart. He twist the blade and I could demon scream. Dean was just smiling the whole time. He was taking pleasure in it. I help Cas off the car and I could see the fright on his face as he looks at Dean. No more demons were around. “Come on you fuckers I am right here.” Dean yell with his hands up in the air then he start to laugh and I swear I never hear something so evil come out of my brother. He walks up to Cas and I. “I guess their chicken huh?” He said while standing in front of us. He was cover in blood, his shirt was torn and he was still holding blade I made a reach for it but he pull it away from me. “I don’t think so Sammy.” “Dean drop the blade.” I told him and Cas was about to put his hand on his shoulder but he pull away. “Not this time I am going keep this in fact I think there is more demons out there to kill.” He said with a smile. “Dean” I said “Sorry Sammy the brother you knew is gone.” And with that he snap his figures and he was gone.


	33. Chapter 33

Sam POV  
Two weeks have passed since we last saw Dean. His phone wasn’t on so we couldn’t track him that way. Cas couldn’t locate him even when he did a spell that was supposed to track anyone. It only lead us to a hotel room where we found his jacket on the bed. I was sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of whiskey. It was empty and yet I still felt the pain. The pain of not hiding the blade that well, the pain of Dean just telling me the brother I knew was gone, and the pain of me not being the best younger brother. I walk pass Dean’s room Cas was laying on the bed holding his jacket I could see tears. I walk in and shook him he looks up at me and sits up. “You know angels don’t usually cry” he says “I know Cas.” He stay silent and looks over at the jacket. “I should have protect him Sam, I told him I wouldn’t let Lucifer take him that I wouldn’t let the mark take control of him.” More tears was pouring down his face. “Cas your not the only one who fail him I did too as a brother.” He wipes away the tears “You know when I was human is when I realized I love Dean, in fact I have always love since I rose him out of hell. I guess it just hit me when I became human.” I smile “You know Dean will never admit to me but I could always tell by the way he look at you then one night he got drunk and told me he love you. That was years ago but he has always love you Cas.” I saw him smile and I pat him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry Cas we will find him.” 

I told him hoping I was right. “Sam what if Lucifer got a hold of him and we never see him again?” I stood up “you can’t think like that Cas. Dean is a fighter and he won’t let anyone take control of him.” Just then my phone began to ring It was a block number. “Hello?” I answer “Sammy?” “Dean?” Cas look up at me and told me to put on speaker I did. “Dean where are you?” “Cedar Hotel in Lawrence room 3b.” then next thing I know I was in the hotel room and fell on my knees. “Damnit Cas a little warning next time.” But he just stood there looking at Dean. I look up to see my big brother cover in blood, his clothes were torn, the first blade was on the bed. I got up and grab it putting it behind my back. He glare at me for a bit then his eyes relax, his green eyes were back. “Dean” Cas said and wrap his arms around him. Dean didn’t hug back just stood there Cas stood back placing his hand on my brother check. I put the blade away, Cas stood aside while wrap my brother in a hug I didn’t care about the blood just was happy to see him. He didn’t hug back and I pull away he sat down on the bed staring at his hands. “What happen?” I ask him as I sat down next to him. He look up at Cas and I. “I don’t know” he said. 

Cas POV  
Once I hear where Dean was all I wanted to do was get to him. I didn’t care that I didn’t give Sam any warning I just needed Dean. He was cover in blood, his clothes were torn but his eyes were the green eyes I fell in love with. At this point I just want to wrap him in my wings to protect him from everything but I couldn’t bring my wings that would attract other angels. So the best I could do was wrap him in my arms. When I did I was excepting a hug back but he was cold and stiff like he couldn’t move. After Sam hug him and he didn’t hug back I knew there was something really wrong. Sam sat next to him asking what happen and Dean said he didn’t know. I stood in front them, looking down at Dean. He look broken and lost. He just keeping looking at his hands stain with blood. “What is the last thing you remember Dean?” Sam ask “We went to that demon raid in Hutchison and I pull out the first blade and that was last thing I remember.” Sam ran his hand through his hair. “Dean that was two weeks ago.” “two weeks” he whisper “and I don’t remember anything.” I kneel down in front of Dean and place my hand on his check. “Dean if you like I can try to retrieve those memories.” He looks at me and I could see the scare look in his eyes but it quickly disappear. He nods and I place my finger on his head entering into darkness. 

I see Dean when he disappear from us, he was in the graveyard. I realized it was the graveyard where we lock Lucifer and Michael in the cage. He stood there for a while lost in thought, he smile and disappear. We were in a middle of field, it was dark. I hear a growl, Dean and I turn around and I saw a vampire came out and attack him. He just took the blade and slice off its head. More came out he was in a middle of a nest. The way he move was so fast that if I wasn’t an angel I wouldn’t be able to see him. He kill every single one of the vampires. He was cover in blood and he was smiling. His eyes they were still dark red. He disappear again this time he was in a warehouse. I could see the black of their eyes as demons came out to attack him. He stabs one in the heart and then he places his hand on other one. A flash of red and demon was dead. It was the exact same power that Cain had to be able to destroy demons with his hand. More flashes, more blood flying on to the walls. Finally it was over and Dean was breathing heavily. The blade drop out of his hand and fell to the floor. I saw his eyes turn green again. He look around the room and fell down on his knees screaming. I wish I could hold him but it was just a memory. I saw his hand reach for the blade and stop. He look at the blade like he didn’t want to pick it up but he couldn’t stop himself. He pick it up and disappear, he was in the hotel room where we found his jacket. He took it off, throwing it on the bed and it look like he was about to lay down to sleep when he pause like he heard something. He grab the blade and disappear again I realized it was the same night Sam and I found the room. He was right there and we didn’t even know it. I follow through the rest of his memories more killing of monster shape; shifters, vampires, demons, and werewolves. All bloody, and he was just kept laughing as he kill them. Finally he was at the hotel we were at now. He was staring at the blade I could tell he was struggle as he lets go of the blade and drops on the bed. He pick up the phone “Sammy?” I hear him say and I withdrew from his mind. 

Dean look at me, his eyes filled with fright and I squeeze his hand. “Cas? Dean? What happen?” Sam ask I look at Dean and he nods. He gets up and heads to the bathroom, I hear the shower turn on. I look at Sam and told him everything. He sits on the bed with eyes close and whisper. “What are we going to do Cas?” “I don’t know Sam I just don’t know.”


	34. Chapter 34

Dean POV  
I head into the bathroom striping off the bloody clothes throwing them in the trash. I step in the shower watching the blood going down the drain. So much blood that is what stuck out at me in those memories not me taking pleasure in killing, no just all the blood. “Nothing wrong with blood Dean.” “Lucifer, I should have know you had something to do with this.” He laughs “I had nothing to do with this Dean, this was all you. When you took that mark Dean you became this. The perfect knight.” I look down at the mark and trace my finger over it. “you can’t fight it Dean as hard as you try. Soon you won’t be able to drop the blade and you will go on other killing spree and next time it could be your brother or that angel you love so much. Then I will be let out of this cage.” “It will never happen Lucifer.” “yeah we will see about that.” He said as he withdrew from my mind. I knew what I had to do to make sure that never happens. I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. I open the bathroom door to see Cas staring out of the window and Sam was sitting on the bed his hands cover his face. “did you guys happen to bring me clothes?” I ask Sam look up I could see the look in his face that he was scare of me. My younger brother is not supposed to be scare of me. “No we just came here.” Cas said. I nod “well I need clothes.” I said. Cas nod and touch both Sam and I transporting us back to the bunker. I head to my room and Cas follow. Sam was quiet the whole time and just sat down looking at his hands. I didn’t know what to tell him but with my plan hopefully it will make things better. 

I grab my clothes and change in front of Cas, he stares at me for a while and before I put my shirt on he stops me. He trace his hand over my chest and kiss me softly on the lips. “I think you should do it.” I told him as I broke the kiss. “Do what Dean?” “Kill me on the stone table.” He took a step back with hurt in his eyes and I pull my shirt over my chest. “We already had this talk Dean.” “I know Cas but look what happening. I went on a killing spree, my brother is scare of me and who knows next time it might you or Sam that will get hurt.” “It won’t happen Dean.” “Yes it will Cas, we both know that I won’t be able to control this for very long at least this way something good can come out of it. Heaven will open up and people like Kevin can go to heaven.” He sits down on the bed and I sit next to him. I place my hand on his knee and he looks at me with his blue eyes stare into mine. “You said we will find another way.” “we might not have time to find another way ” I told him as he lace his fingers with mine. We were facing each other on the bed and look down at our hands “No one should have to die but Metatron.” He said. “Since when has one of us not die Cas?” He looks up at me and kiss me softly. “I love you Dean but I can’t do this.” I place my other hand on his check kiss him on his forehead. “I love you too but we should stop this before it gets worst.” I told him. He unlace his fingers from mine and got up heading for the door. He opens it and looks back at me “I just wish you would believe in me.” He said and slam the door behind him.


	35. Chapter 35

Sam POV  
I heard a door slam and I look up to see Cas walking towards the kitchen. I got up and follow him. He open a cabinet and drank a whole bottle of whiskey then got out a bottle of rum and drank that. “Are you going to drink other liquid story?” I ask. “I might” he replies with anger in his voice. “Cas what’s wrong?” “You remember how I told you I can kill Metatron on a stone table to get the angels back in heaven.” I nod “yeah you also said that you didn’t know where a stone table was.” “That was a lie I do know where one is. I already told Dean but there is something else.” “What Cas?” “I could kill Metatron or a human who has been with an angel must be kill by that said angel.” I went up to Cas and stood in front of him. “and you two didn’t think to tell me about this?” “Dean didn’t want you to worry.” I slam my hand on the table “and let me guess Dean wants you to kill him.” “He said I should so he wouldn’t get worst because next time he could hurt you or me.” He said quietly and took other drink. “I can’t do it Sam, I have done everything I could to protect Dean, and you. I rebelled, i became God, I been kill over and over, I ran from him in purgatory to protect him, and I lost my grace. I have done so much and now I am the one that supposed to end his life? I won’t do it Sam I won’t.” I saw tears coming down his face as he finishes the bottle and picks up other one. I pat him on the shoulder. “I will go talk to him.” I said as Cas just continued to drink. 

I walk to Dean’s room. He was laying on his bed his headphones on and eyes close. I took them off Led Zeppelin was blaring on the headphones. He opens his eyes giving me a dirty look. “What the hell Dean?” “What?” he said swing his legs off the bed switching to a sitting position. “Cas told me everything about how he can kill you to open heaven and you want him to.” “So?” “So Dean, you know how much that will destroy him if he had to kill you? Do you know how much he has been through just to make sure you stay alive?” “What I am supposed to do Sam? You saw the blood, Cas told you what happen during those two weeks. What if next time it’s your blood on my hands or Cas?” He stood up and look at me anger flash across his face. “So what? You’re not going to fight anymore Dean? You just want to give up? What about when I was addicted to demon blood? You fought to make sure I wouldn’t go evil. When I didn’t have my soul, you did everything you could to get it back. Now you just want to give up on yourself, you want to give up on what you and Cas have. Dean you have a chance to be happy. Yeah you might not get out of the hunters life but at least Cas will there to fight with you and so will I” I yelled. He looks taking back. “Dean you are my brother and I know I said I wouldn’t do anything for you but we both know that was a lie. You fought for me when I was struggles against the darkness now its mine turn.” He then hugs me and I hug back we broke apart. “So is this chick flick over?” Dean ask I laugh “Bitch” he said “Jerk” “Now I think it’s time you go talk to your boyfriend before he drinks all the liquor. “ he laughs and heads out the door then he turns around and looks at me. “Thanks Sammy” I nod but I was still worry. What If I can’t save him?  
Cas POV

I look through the cabinets trying to find some more alcohol. I just want to forget about the whole idea of Dean suggest I kill him. One thing about being an angel it is very hard to forget. I felt arms wrap around my waist and someone whisper in my ear “I am sorry” I turn around to face Dean. “You should be. I told you I wasn’t giving up and I don’t except you to give up either.” He holds both of my hands and kiss me on the check. “I know Cas, I am sorry I guess I just need my little brother to give me a kick in the ass.” Just then Sam walking in with a smile and sat down. Dean let go of my hands and sit across from him. I sat down next to Dean my hand resting on his thigh. “well what now?” Dean ask “we need to get Metatron to that stone table and get Cas to kill him to open the gates of heaven back up.” Sam said “Are you sure Santa Fe, New Mexico is the only place with a stone table?” Dean ask me. “it is the only one in the United States that is easy to find.” I told him and he nods. “So how do we get him over there?” “I can let the word out to other angels that I found a way to open up heaven gates. Metatron would surely hear about it and appear there.” I said “when is the blood moon?” “A week from now” “great so Cas and I will go out and spread the rumor.” Dean said “Wait Dean, you sure you want to go out?” Sam ask and Dean gives him a dirty look. “And why wouldn’t I Sam?” “Because of Lucifer” Sam said not looking at his brother. “It’s not like I can stay here for the rest of my life Sam.” “I know Dean but how about you don’t go out until we are ready to fight in case anything happens.” Dean ran his hand over his face. “Fine” he said and got from the table. I nod at Sam and start to head out of the bunker but not before I was grab my Dean who push me up against the wall kissing me deeply. “You better be safe out there.” He whisper “I will be.” I told him and I left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW if you do not know Santa Fe is consider a holy city it name means holy city. I grew up there so I know this.


	36. Chapter 36

Sam POV  
I head down to the storage room, Dean was right behind me. I start to search for the holy oil as he packs up the angel blade in our bags. I forgot in my bag was the first blade. I saw him staring at the bag for a few minutes, his eyes seem to glaze over. I walk over and took the bag away from him. He look up at me “thanks” he said softly. “That is what I am here for Dean.” “not for taking the bag away for Cas, just thanks for giving me the kick in the head that I needed.” “Are we having a chick moment?” I ask him and he laughs “Bitch” “Jerk” “Nah Sammy just we been through so much it has been hard to see the positive in everything. However with Cas, I feel better. You know.” I smile knowing how he felt. “When we open the gates of heaven open back up maybe we just go back to a plain old hunt like a Wendigo or something?” I told him and he smiles. “Hey you don’t think when heaven opens back up. Cas will go back to heaven?” he ask me with a worry look in his eyes. “No I think Cas is too much in love with you to leave.” I told him smiling. He look away from me embarrassed. “Hey Dean, you still have that letter I left you when I went after Gradreel?” he nods and pulls it from his jacket pocket. “I never read it, I couldn’t but I kept it.” “Open it there is something in there for you and Cas.” He opens it and the rings fall. He looks at me surprised. “Sammy?” “There rings for people who have a bond, I saw them and thought of you too.” “How very girlish of you Sam.” “Shut up, just give Cas the green one, you keep the blue one.” He nods and put the rings in his pocket. “Thanks Sammy.” 

We head back upstairs, putting the bags on the table we sat down waiting for Cas to return. I was reading while Dean was pacing around looking at his watch. “Dude would you please calm down I am sure he is fine.” He runs his hand over his face and sits down just then the door opens and Cas walk in. Dean rush over to him and gives him a hug. “I think I got the word out there as best I can. I met some angels and I told them my plan. Hopefully Metatron will show up.” He says as he gives Dean a smile hug and breaks apart from him. “So we should head out now so we can get there in time.” I said as I grab the bags. “why can’t I transport you?” Cas ask “because if we fight you might be too weak to transport us back here so it is better we take the impala.” I told him and he nods. We all head outside, the whole time I was watching Dean. When we got outside I saw his eyes flash red for a second. He got in the driver’s seat not talking to Cas or I. Cas sat in the back seat but is aw his hand slip into Dean’s. It was cute which is weird to say about my brother. I am just hoping this fight will end without none of dying only Metatron. 

Dean POV  
I felt Cas hand slip into mine. It was a nice feeling, I can’t believe just months ago we share our first kiss. So much has happen since then and Cas has been there every step of the way. “Hello Dean.” “What do you want Lucifer? I am not in the fucking mood.” “Why just to take Dean, I know you off to fight Metatron are you ready for this fight? Your powers could be really helpfully in the battle.” “no and I know you had something to do with the two weeks I was gone.” “I already told you Dean I had no part of that.” “Then why was I at the grave site.” “To figure out a way to release from the cage and guess what Dean you did.” “No I would have remember to make sure I won’t do it.” “ah yes but you didn’t remember anything from those two weeks but the answer is still there deep inside of you.” I heard him laugh as he withdrew from my mind. Did I really know how to release him and if so what can I do to prevent it? I remove my hand from Cas grip and place both hands on the steering wheel. I look over to Sam who was asleep, Lucifer put him through hell and now he says he could use me as a vessel. How would that affect Sam and Cas. No I won’t let it happen. I look in the back seat and Cas caught my eye and gave a smile. I give him a small smile and turn up the radio my favorite song was playing “rambling man” I start singing as does Cas. We were singing so loud we woke up Sam. “Jesus Christ can you two being any louder?” he said I laugh and pull over. “Sam why don’t you drive for a while since you’re up anyways.” He mutters a cuss word “what was that?” I ask with a smile “I said fuck you.” I laugh as I crawl into back seat with Cas and place my head on his lap. He look surprised so did Sam. “I thought you want to keep it a secret?” Sam said “who cares we could all die here soon might as well enjoy our time with each other.” I said as I close my heads falling asleep with Cas hand on my shoulder.


	37. Chapter 37

Dean POV

“Dean!” he let go of my hand “just go” he said. I couldn’t leave him in that place not purgatory but he was gone and I couldn’t get him back. The dream goes to other place, the warehouse Cas was staring at the wall the gateway to purgatory and he tells me to get away from him. “Levithan” he screams. I saw him go dark and I couldn’t save him. I couldn’t save him from exploding in the lake, I couldn’t save him from falling from heaven. As hard as I try I could never save him. I was in a garden it look familiar, I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I turn around to see Lucifer. “Seem familiar?” I realized it was the garden in Detroit that Zachary sent me all those years ago. “I told you Dean we will always end up here” ‘Yeah but this time you’re not wearing Sam.” He laughs “no I am still in my old vessel and he is barely surviving but soon Dean you will be my new vessel.” He touch my check and I pull away. “I could protect them you know.” he said. I look back at him. “I see you dreams Dean, you are worry you can’t protect Sam or Cas, I can protect them. Picking up the blade and say yes. Say yes to your powers and say yes to me and they won’t die.” I look back at him “you can protect them?” I said “Yes but you need to remember how to release me from cage and only then it will work.” He said and touch my forehead. I woke up with a start to see Cas blue eyes staring at me and I pull him for a deep kiss. I remember and if it was the only way to protect them then I was going to let it happen. Cas wrap his arms around me kissing me back I was really getting into it when I hear a cough. I look to see Sam staring at us. “We’re here” he said as he pulls into a motel parking lot. I nod and got up whispering in Cas ears “we will finish this later.” I told him as I got out and book us two hotel rooms. 

Sam POV  
We head into Dean and Cas room. I knew Dean want one last night with Cas before tomorrow, I mean there is a chance we could all die tomorrow. Who knows what Metatron could do to us or if he would have an army. “so I just want to say.” I start to say and Dean held up his hand “Dude no chick flicks moments we been having enough of those.” “Shut up let me just get this out man.” Cas look between us in confusion. “Look even if tonight out last night on earth, I just want to say I am glad that you two finally got a chance to be happy. Even with all the ups and downs these past few months, when you two are with each other it is like all the other problems melt away as do mine. I am glad you two have each other.” “Oh that reminds me” Dean pulls out the rings and stood in front of Cas putting it on his finger as he puts the blue one on his. “Sam got these for us Cas, I guess they stand for true love?” he looks over at me and I nod. He smiles “so this makes you mine now and forever.” He told Cas and kiss him. He then turn to me and gave me hug “thanks Sammy, now it’s your turn to find someone to make you happy.” I laugh and hug him back. He lets go and heads to the bathroom. I look at Cas who was staring at the ring, he had tears in his eyes. “you okay Cas?” he gets up and hugs me “thank you Sam for everything.” I hug back “welcome” I told him as I hear the bathroom door opens and we broke apart. “Well now the chick moment is over since this our last night on earth again lets go to a strip club.” Dean says. I laugh as Cas gives him a dirty look. Dean held his hand in defensive “Alright no strip clubs how about a bar?” “Sounds like a plan” I said as we head out for the night. 

A few hours later we head back to the hotel laughing and just enjoying each other company. It was nice to hear Cas and Dean laugh like there wasn’t a single problem in the world. Just us as one big happy family. No demons, no angels, and no monster. Just three guys hanging out. I put my key into the hotel door when I hear Dean said “give me a minute Cas.” And he came up to me. “Can we talk?” I nod as we both enter my room. I sat down on the bed as Dean close the door. “What’s up Dean?” Dean looks at me for a long time. “I know I said earlier no chick flick moments but here goes nothing. Sammy whatever happens tomorrow I want you to know I am doing it for you and Cas.” “Dean what are you planning to do?” he sat down next to me “Just promise man take care of yourself and Cas.” “Yeah you know I will Dean now you want to tell me what this about.” He look down at his hands “I am sorry I can’t just need you to trust me.” I study him for a long time “Alright Dean but you better not do something to get yourself kill.” He laughs and pats me on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it Sammy.” And walks out the door. “Damn it Dean what are you planning to do?” I said as I run my hand through my hair and lay down on the bed. Whatever it is I will make sure he doesn’t get himself kill and put on my headphones falling asleep.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex Scene

Dean POV  
I got into Cas and I’s room and I was push against a wall Cas lips on mine. He takes off my over shirt and I take off his. I broke the kiss apart “Someone is working fast.” I told him. “Well you know last night on earth and all.” He says I laugh and push him into the bed, crawling on top off him. I take off his shirt and run my hands over his chest. He pulls my shirt over my head and throws it to the side. I lance my fingers with his as I kiss him softly feeling the ring. I play with it and smile at him “So I am your forever because of this ring?” he ask me “you better believe it.” I told him as I kiss his neck and trail down to the top of his pants. I slowly undo his pants and take them off. I could see his cock trying to peak out from his boxers. I pull them off and threw to the side. I lick the tip of his cock and slowly start sucking the top. “Dean” he moans as I put my whole mouth on him going up and down on him as he runs his hand through my hair. “faster” he says as I go faster and faster. He cums a little and I spit it out. I stood up and undid my pants and took them off as well as my boxers. I got back on top of him kiss him deeply. I run my tongue across the bottom of his lip begging for an entrance. He open his mouth and I beg to explore his mouth as our bodies move together. I felt our cocks touch each other and his arms were wrap around my waist. I ran my hand over his nipple and pinch it softly. I break apart the kiss and stare deep into his blue eyes. What I am doing tomorrow is to protect him, to protect my family. I kiss the top of his forehead. “Turn over” I whisper in his ear as I got off him. He got on all fours and I stood behind him. I slowly enter him wanting to him to feel everything. “Dean” he gasp as I keep inching in him slowly until I was full in him. “Faster” he groans as I start pulling in and out of him faster and harder with each thrust. I grab his cock and circle his tip with my thumb. He was clenching the sheets and screaming my name. I grab his hip with both hands as I thrust deep inside of cumming. He arch back and I swear I thought I could see his wings. I pull out of him and he flips on his back. I crawl up next to him kissing softly on the lips. Our legs and arms wrap around each other and we just kiss. He then flip me on my back and start to slowly suck on my nipple. I ran my hand through his hair. He stops and kiss me on the lips, then the neck and trail down my chest. He stands up and I sit up on the bed. “get on the floor on all fours.” He tells me. I laugh “I love it when you take control Cas.” He smiles and cups my face kissing me softly. He walks behind me, grabbing my hip and push into my hard. I gasp “did I hurt you?” he ask I shook my head as he goes deep into me. I scream out his name as he starts pulling in and out me hard and fast. I clench the floor as he pulls out of me and waits for a moment then thrust deep inside of me. “Castiel” I scream as I feel him cum deep inside of me. 

He pulls out and helps me off the floor. I could bearly walk as I fell down on the bed. He lays down beside me. ‘Hey Cas?” “yes Dean.” “I love you Cas and I just want you to know whatever happens tomorrow I will always be with you.” “I won’t let anything happen to you Dean.” I turn on my side as he did and stare at his blue eyes. “Cas I know just please know that I will always be with you and I love you.” He place his hand on my check. “I love you too Dean and I will always protect you.” I smile and kiss him on the lips placing my hand on his hip, he place his hand on my shoulder where he first touch me all those years ago in hell, we broke apart and I place my head on his chest while he pulls a blanket over us. I love him and I can’t believe I am going to do this but it is the only way to save him.


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter

Cas POV  
I watch Dean fall asleep and kiss him on the forehead. I have a feeling he was keeping something from me and I didn’t want to enter his mind without his permission because I didn’t want to make him mad. So I am leaving it alone but it still worry me. All I know for sure is that I will kill Metatron and nothing will happen to Dean or Sam. I don’t need sleep but I thought for once I might as well enjoy sleep with Dean this could be my last night of earth. I could die by killing Metatron or be force back into heaven. As much as I want to stay with Dean I don’t know what will happen. I look at my ring it was green like his eyes. It was nice thought from Sam. Dean had a blue one I guess for my eyes, I think they are perfect for us and maybe Dean dream can come true maybe we can have the domestic life of course hunting on the side. I close my eyes and curl up next to Dean I felt his hand lance through mine and we just hold each other. 

 

Sam POV  
I kept turning the volume up on my headphones because I could still hearing the moaning and Cas screaming out my brother’s name. I am happy for them but I really hate hearing it. I am glad that Cas decide to give it a chance and not run away from it. I know he would do anything to protect my brother as will I. so whatever Dean is planning to do tomorrow I will be right there with him making sure nothing happens to him. I worry that Lucifer is taking over his mind and I know Dean will want to use the first blade tomorrow as much as I don’t want him to it could help. Whatever tomorrow brings I will do all I can to save my big brother from anything.


	40. Chapter 40

Dean POV  
I woke up to see Cas in front of me his eyes were close. “I thought angel didn’t sleep” “we don’t but you look so peaceful I want to enjoy it.” he says and I laugh kissing him on the lips as I untangle myself from him and head to the bathroom. I shut the door and look in the mirror. “Lucifer.” “Yes Dean?” “You knew all along that this was how it was going end.” “it was the only thing that made sense Dean, Metatron told me this long ago I just never thought it would happen but it did. It is the only way to protect them Dean.” “I know and the answer is yes.” “You mean it?” Lucifer ask “yes to protect them yes.” “Alright Dean, you know what you need to do.” I finish getting dress and head out the bathroom door. Sam was in the room and Cas was already dress. “You two ready?” I ask and then nod, I place my hand on Cas check and kiss him softly I could see Sam smile out of the corner of my eye. We head out and I close the door ready to do what needed to be done. 

Sam POV  
The ride up the hill was quite, there was nothing to say. We couldn’t get up to the table by car so we pull over. I pull out the first blade and handed to Dean as much as I didn’t want to. I saw his eyes go red, it concern me but hopefully we can snap him out of it before it goes too far. Cas transport us to the table so we didn’t have to waste our strength climbing up the hill. It’s was quite “do you think he will show up?” I ask Cas. Right then he appear “Hello Castiel. I see you found a way to open heaven back up. By killing me on this table.” He said with a smile and touch the table. “That’s right and it will happen” Cas said “we will see about that Cas.” He threw his hands up and Cas and I were thrown back against the trees but Dean stood his ground. Metatron gave him a confusing look. “You’re going to have to try harder than that.” Dean said as he walks towards Metatron who back away. “Only Castiel can kill me.” Dean smiles as I struggle against the tree, Cas mange to get back up and I guess with his angel power was able to break Metatron grip on him. Dean back Metatron against the table and in a flash he stab him the shoulder. Metatron scream and fell back on the table. Dean got behind his shoulders and hold him down. “Cas now” he scream. Cas ran over and stood over top of him. I still couldn’t move, Cas was bring the blade down when Metatron snap his finger. Dean was in his place the first blade was in Dean’s shoulder. “Cas stop” I yell but it was too late. I saw the blade go through Dean’s stomach. “NO” I scream there was a big white flash and fell off the tree on my knees. I ran to the table and look around. All three of them were gone and I have no clue where they were. “Damn it” I scream as I threw my blade to the ground. 

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well thank you all for reading again I am sorry for all those spelling and grammar mistakes I am going to try to fix them. I just want to finish this before the end of season 9. Anyways I am currently writing a second part to this story but if only people want it. so comment let me know if I should go on or not.


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